Rumblings of an Idle Brain

[Untitled]

2012-01-28T23:55:00.000+05:30

I run away everytime. To take my own time, and show up again maybe next season. Yet, I have been frequenting home very frequently. Eight days this month to be precise. The natural relief has been absent and that has been usurped by serious perturbations and tribulations every visit. The truth is, as Miss Congeniality pointed out, home is a fair bit more than just the faces and the walls enclosing them.

Hence, I want to be by myself. For quite sometime for now, if not forever. To sort out a lot of things. To seek shelter in my own logic, which is not welcome everywhere. To feed my hunger, which right now, is not satiated anywhere. To enjoy my own company, which is not at home when home. To keep the fires within burning, which the northern chills are overwhelming. Most importantly, to preserve my current form, for I am a staunch opponent of the practice of confirming.

Fighting Spirits

2012-01-25T23:43:00.001+05:30

It is a daily battle. And the victors keep on switching the podium place every few combats. I had my defences thin at the start. And I lost every moment, through every single day. It was the most difficult phase I could recollect, and I broke down at the slightest hint of distress. Clueless, I surrendered to the occasion and let the instant rule over me.

It was unbearable. The pain and the ensuing trauma of the loss that grew on me by the defeat. And a posse of stirring emotions engulfed me post every setback, aggravating the loss. It meant I lost control over myself, and ended up a bad loser. Expectedly, I made a wreck of myself and the situation.

Repeated failures warranted a change of strategy. I finally convinced myself to tame down the goals. Suddenly, I started winning moments, and now and then, the entire day. I was winning until yesterday. In fact, it was a big shift in the momentum of the battle last night, as I recovered a lot of the lost ground.

I have lost the battle today. All of the day in the last couple of hours. For now, I let the the waters seep through the dykes. I will wage a fresh battle tomorrow.

Numbers

2012-01-22T21:04:00.000+05:30

I was home last weekend. And I was just not at peace. My score was the sore point then.

I was home this weekend as well. And I am much better now. For, I have the eighty guaranteed. The hundred is not there. But then, it is much better than the zero.

Coffee

2012-01-20T00:26:00.001+05:30

I don't have tea. Ever. I never liked the taste and aroma on my first encounter with it, some 13 years ago. I have been having coffee since then. My daily caffeine intake has been rising over the years. This upward trend began to take shape when I entered the world outside of the milk dairy that was home, some seven years ago.

Upto last year, it was just a means to keep awake during the exam times when I needed something to hold the eyelids from pulling down the shutters on the already borderline marks I was struggling to ensure. But now, it has become my little own Red Bull, taking me through the day on my desk. I also take to coffee when I catch up with teetotaller friends or do not have the intention to get sloshed. But then, this post is not intended to be a thesis on my flings with coffee.

The cup of coffee I had this evening was different!! For starters, I wanted to take it down real slow, and probably gulp the last sip around dinner time. I just wanted to keep the imaginary conversation going on, on the pretext of a cup of coffee that was not yet finished. The catalyst that the coffee was expected to be for a long due conversation turned out to be the antidote. The dialogue was predominantly monosyllables, glances which died the moment the eyes met, and lots of stares into the open space that was abundant all around.

Inevitably, the cup lasted only as long as it would have normally. The bill was paid, and it was time to call it a day. I thought of giving the interaction just over, a go over dinner as well, but then the unease so conspicuous by the shackles it had imposed on the tongues, would have made gulping down every morsel a herculean task. I have saved the main course for some other day. We bid the friendliest of goodbyes and proceeded our own ways.

My pal asked me not to think too much. The bitter-sweet after-taste of that cup still lingers in my mouth.

Workaholic

2012-01-17T23:22:00.002+05:30

I come to work early every day. Very early. I enter the office before the milk for the morning's coffee has been readied. I swipe my card before the office boys have donned their uniforms for another day. I take out my laptop before any of my colleagues occupy their chairs. I log on before any of the other names on my official chat client are visible. And then I go about my daily dealing with a few excel sheets in the morning. And even after that, I have time to check the previous day's news on the social and national and sports networks, before most of them turn in.

The evening comes calling pretty soon these days (nothing to do with the shorter days in winters), with some task or the other cropping up, and the lunch break thrown in between. I have to resort to cracking my way around with jokes to deal with the post-lunch syndrome, and help ease through the minutes. And yet, I do not feel like leaving the office premises. I try delay my departure, the few days I have the luxury to take this call. Probably, just to have the evening toast and cup of coffee. Maybe, to indulge in some more friendly banter and also be at the receiving end of some of it. In fact, I feel relieved if some work actually crops up late in the day, because then I do not have the privilege to deliberate any more.

I was not like this a couple of months back. And this total lack of empathy/duty towards work was a constant bone of contention with this very close buddy. I wish I could share this development with my pal. But then, we are too busy with our respective works to exchange these notes now.

Maybe this is the price to be paid for trying to be a workaholic. I am aching to share my story and pep up my fallen ratings. I want to reclaim the friendship I seem to have lost out on for my greed. I will have to strive for some work-life balance now!!

TC

2012-01-08T22:51:00.001+05:30

Might not be there- the camaraderie anyhow
And the jokes preceding the smiles and the hi fives
The proximity is gone, a return a wonder now
A nostalgic ride still, my heart daily drives.

The streams have now dried on the cheeks
And their tragic path is all that one can trace
Clinging onto golden relics, the head now reeks
Begging, the descent to an endurable base.

Severed badly though, by people and space
I wish we were at least on the same page
Not all the acquaintance may we ever erase
Dismiss strongly, all pangs and emotions of rage.

Another moment yet again, my keystrokes dare
I still get flustered, with you in pain and all alone
Want to be beside you, and tender the best care
Badly, I crave to roll back the days long gone.

Yesterday

2012-01-07T00:02:00.000+05:30

Another day goes by, as I yearn to reverse the clocks
Not to undo a few things, or maybe even set some right.
I crave this time travel, by some weeks or maybe months
Savour moments like they are my last, clench each one tight.

I want to consume them all, not leave any bit behind
The last morsels of succulent food, one more sip of rousing wine.
Was contemptuously careless, putting the prize to waste
They are not there now, episodes I would want to claim mine.

Shivering, I wakeup everyday, broke with only hope in heart
Going through the motions, praying for a miracle tomorrow.
And I sink in deeper by the day- guilty, repentant, pleading
Words etched in heart and head, "Please make Today go."

Happy New Year

2012-01-05T09:14:00.002+05:30

It was the fifth consecutive day, when the eighth person asked me,"How did you ring in the new year??"

My response did not change a bit-"I don't recall any of it. Must have been good then!!"

Recap: 2011

2011-12-31T21:48:00.000+05:30

Unlike the previous installations of this series, I have held off posting this one till the very last hours of this year, hoping feverishly to incorporate any significant turnarounds that might come up. But the fact is, it was always very unlikely that the last day of the year brings in the sunshine, so conspicuous by its complete absence for the quarter gone by.

Looking back, it is very strange that a quarter should determine the tone and tenor and memoirs of an entire year. It could well be the recency effect, but I could comment for sure, only three quarters down the line. I am in more than two minds how I should go about summing up the 52 weeks gone by. There is this strong urge to filter parts of the year but that would not do justice to recapitulating the year.

Afterall, this has been the most productive of the four calendar years this blog has seen. And that in itself should indirectly convey the quantum of 'action' I was a party to through the year. My only regret is that I failed to touch the figure of 50 posts for the year. And I do not have the heart or the guts to go through another year like this any soon. Given the time at my disposal today, an analysis of the blog data for the year tells me that I developed a remarkable affinity for the keyboard from the month of July onwards, generating 72% of the year's total output.

And there is only one 'idiot proof' inference. The year took shape and then lost the same in an action packed last 6 months. And I ended up losing a lot of myself in the process. I cannot put any numbers to most losses other than the 7kgs of flesh I had accumulated a year ago in Kolkata.

Otherwise, the remarkable thing about the year was the sheer amount of travel I had- official, personal and official-personal. I clocked more miles than ever on the roads, tracks and the skies than the last few years combined. I saw places I would have never set foot in otherwise. I learnt (in random order)- table manners, wining etiquette, financial planning, partying late, running my and others' errands, and a few more unmentionables. Most importantly, I am not unlearning any of it anytime soon.

It was exactly six months prior to yesterday that the showreel of my year began officially in front of an ice cream parlour. I had the faintest of ideas of the roller-coaster shape it would take from there on. I had certainly expected my yearly memoirs coming up a day or two early, for I then visualized myself party to a weekend of wild celebrations. But if I enjoyed every bit of the three months and seven days of the good, I have tried my best taking the not-so-good period from thereon in my stride.

That is what I have learnt most importantly from 2011. This second lot of six months has taken me through what takes years for most. And that is the only reason I am any bit grateful to it. 2012 cannot be any worse. Things can only get better. 'Hope is eternal', they said long ago. And I am not giving up yet.

Bring on 2012. Nostradamus cannot do me any more harm.

Mirrors

2011-12-29T23:37:00.001+05:30

There are times (and many a time over a day these days) when I wish there were some things about me that were different from what they are right now. It's a belief I once harboured in Class II when classmates made fun of my surname. Then it returned in undergrad when they gave me a racially inspired nickname.

But over the years, I conditioned myself to ignore the crap. Most importantly, I cozied upto friends and mates with whom I was comfortable being me. And consequently, I loved myself (in quite a narcissistic fashion) more and more over the years for being myself.

Then few weeks ago, crisis struck. To be precise, the crew I thought of setting sail with, abandoned me. And the first reason cited by the captain for the jettison was I was not quite meddling into the ship. And I am still struggling to stay afloat.

Maybe that's why I am not so confident about myself and imagine this demon in every glance, word and milieu these days. I prefer telephonic conversations to face-to-face interactions right now.

The narcissist is not keen on adoring himself in front of the mirror anymore.

AA

2011-12-28T23:43:00.000+05:30

The best part about being under the influence of alcohol is it frees you. From the practicalities of life, the inhibitions, the hesitation, the discomfort and the inclination to evaluate again and again. It liberates you to follow the heart, pursue the desires, shed the false pretences, and be one's own self. Alcohol helps one confirm to their real selves.

And that is the worst part as well. We can't drink everyday!!

Oh Calcutta??

2011-12-24T00:35:00.001+05:30

The best part about my job is I get to get out of Mumbai every now and then. So, I was in Lucknow last night and right now in Kolkata. But that accompanies the worst part as well. I started off in the morning and set foot in Kolkata just about 3 hours ago. For the first time I encountered the fog interference in travel, and that too, over two flights.

Actually, I was happy with the delay. Not because I could feast on the T-3 fashionistas of Delhi for over 4 hours. Or for the short conversation with the Japanese guy video chatting with his wife and kid. Not even for thankfully carrying the external disk, which helped me kill time effortlessly.

It was just the fact that this delay let me slip into Kolkata in the relative dark and anonymity of the night. I feel I have had enough of the city. Two years on the pretext of studies followed by three months of "what I now term just a sales stint" exposed me to the city amply. I have now enough memories in my closet to relate to Kolkata, and they would rather be kept in the confines of my trunks.

The way to the guest house was littered with flashes of the times spent here and that made for a much colder reception than the Kolkata winters are capable of. The same old reflections started popping up again. The same old feeling of unease and an asphyxiating sense of nostalgia began to tighten the noose around.

And then I got off at the guesthouse. The questions I was dreading were put up most certainly. And I gave the responses they would have loved and definitely expected. It helped me as well, in cutting the barrage short.

Now I sit in that same room- uncomfortable with my answers. But then, the questions would have consequently become much more uncomfortable the other way. Something is amiss for sure, as I look around for the appropriate answers.

I still don't have them. All I have is a sense that this is a room half full. Or maybe half empty??

The Prophecy

2011-12-18T21:25:00.001+05:30

Suddenly it struck my mind that most prophecies of the "day to day, commoner's life" kind come true not because the prophesiers are really capable of reading the crystal balls around. It is just because most of us believe more in the the likelihood of the hypothesis of the prediction coming true, than the other way round.

And when it comes to prophecies foreseeing doom, destruction, despondency, struggle and whatever else not good, the majority has this tendency to play safe, and eliminate this probability outright. By doing this, we invariably play into the prophesier's hands and making him all the more stronger and influential.

We face these choices every now and then. The last one, I resisted and did not surrender my arms. But my comrades did, as they defected to the camp of their beliefs and abandoned me. I had to surrender.

The prophesier won once again. I am not waving the white flag yet. Let the next one come.

Don't Leave Home

2011-12-13T00:23:00.000+05:30

It is not as easy as typing down a few words. I thought I had made the leap into the embrace of resignation last week. Something they call 'a reality check' in slightly more technical terms. But then today, the very thought of having to snuggle up to it a little earlier than anticipated, made me run away and trek all the way back to the summit of hopefulness.

The way I see it all unfolding is that I am absolutely willing to risk a fall into the embrace I have just spurned. Friends and well-wishers have been reinforcing the idea of acting sane at last. But I have been in absolute bliss every moment I have been the way I have been until now. Any turning back now will consign me immediately to the abyss I dread this fall into.

The lamp at the door is still flickering, and that signifies I still stand a chance. Probably, it is all about waiting patiently for the verdict to be delivered. Certainly, I still believe it is not a cruel world out there, and most definitely, I am very hopeful of reclaiming all the treasures that are now locked in the safe, whose keys are not even with the sentry guarding them. That is the tragic part of the tale. Maybe, that's why it might take a little longer.

And I have made up my mind. I am not going anywhere from here. No harm in risking taking one final blow if there is even that needle in a haystack chance of landing the jackpot. I have never been as hopeful for anything else before. Not even for getting hold of you before I did. Because now I know how it feels in scarcity. In fact, it is now that I understand the hunger of the vagabond with no pennies to buy the loaf of bread at arm's length every second.

Hunger makes you think, on a different plane altogether. It is not always a pleasant feeling- staying hungry for too long. I have started thinking on this plane of abstract thoughts, and this hunger is making me take higher flights. In such an enervated, delusional state, it is advisable to remain in safe environs and not venture out into unknown territories.

I am not leaving home till my stomach stops crying hoarse, or worst still, the lamp dies down. And I beg you also to not leave. Do not leave the hungry man behind- ever!!

This Day This Year

2011-12-05T00:35:00.000+05:30

A peek through the crap history I have dished out so far says that I wrote on this day exactly three years ago. Not that I had anything really worthy to make note of that day. Probably, I just wanted to record something that day for the sake of that day. Definitely, I wish to make a note today for the sake of yesterday, today and tomorrow combined, and each of these three is much more than just a day they would typically connote.

I have been looking forward to today for the major part of the last five months. Now I don't know why, because this has never been the way I treated any day, ever since I went past the stage when there ceased to be birthday parties inviting the neighbourhood kids, or even the ones I was invited to. It meant there were not as many gifts to look forward to-receiving and giving. Probably, I expected some of those things again- a horde of gifts, or maybe the entire neighbourhood. None of these will materialize for sure.

These days are those days when I have rediscovered music. I have been plugged in all the while, but the difference lies in the fact that I have now started humming songs for their lyrics and not the rhythm and other auditory pleasures, like in the past. Every composition is much more melodious just because I can relate instances and experiences to the lyrics- stirring up a hundred, intense emotions.

I have also taken to pampering myself on a never before scale. "Retail Therapy" works wonders if the wallet can support a sagging morale, unlike the days of penury when therapy meant window shopping. The last two weekends have seen a major overhaul of my closet with the only oddity being roaming around the malls all alone, which has drawn stares of disapproval from fellow shoppers and salesmen alike.

And when tomorrow comes, I hope to have reclaimed myself fully.

Discreetly "Yappy"

2011-11-29T21:51:00.000+05:30

I am far from happy these days, in fact have never been this lowly, in fact this has been going on for little over a couple of months now. I want to lighten up and share my tragedy with everyone on my phonebook, friend lists over Facebook and Orkut as well (I still log in every couple of days), and even with the old lady I bought bananas from, the other day. But it is an altogether different matter that out of all the above, I shared it with just a few, and even they were unhappy that I did not deliver it in the Breaking News format to them.

So, the fact of the matter is that I am starving by the day, and this is an emotion/feeling/sensation/realization/and a hundred other synonyms, growing bigger on me each passing moment. In fact, getting high had never been so much unconscious mourning, switching on the tubelights had never been so delusional, preparing a cup of coffee had never been this engrossing, not wanting to sleep at all had never been so sapping, and the urge to write had never been so repulsive.

I know for sure that this state of grief is here for sometime, and there is no escaping from it easily. I tried exercising all my restraint until now, when I can hold it no more and have to share it with you. This is my best attempt at keeping far from happy and sharing it as well, in the most discreet manners of all possible.

iRockstar

2011-11-16T00:15:00.000+05:30

Blinded, no sight, by lights bright
Stranded, on dope, celebrating visionary hope.

Homecoming

2011-11-13T22:33:00.000+05:30

"Heyyy!! Welcome back dude!!", screamed Ananya the moment she saw Avik swiping his card to enter the office. He was clearly taken aback by the intensity of the warmth with which she greeted him. She rushed towards him in excitement for a celebratory embrace, just before Avik popped out his hand for a greeting.

"Ohh!! Thanks a lot yaar, and same to you as well", he answered back in a feeble tone with cheeks stretched out in an attempt to produce a smile. Afterall, the two of them had managed to come back to the Head Office in Mumbai after a gruelling two month sales stint in remote corners of the country. Today was their first day with the marketing team, which was more a relief than a dream come true.

Ananya was the chirpier and more excited of the two as they had their introduction with their new team. "The guy is very reserved and is hardly speaking and looks totally lost. I don't know if I would ever have a conversation with him", one of the guys whispered into the other's ears during that session. Their aspersions went a notch higher when Mandip, their boss asked Avik about his sales stint in Ranchi. Taken aback by the sudden question directed at him, all that Avik could come up with was, "It is a good city Sir! Though very small for a state capital, but I managed to stay in a good hotel for the month spent there!"

Everyone went quiet with Avik after that.

Being their first day, Avik and Ananya were given some introductory presentations and word documents to go through by their respective brand teams. Very slowly and reluctantly, Avik put the laptop on his desk and plugged in the LAN cable. Sipping his cup of coffee, he browsed through the files forwarded to him by his mentor and was deliberating over which one to click on first. And then, the taskbar at the bottom of his screen started winking at him, shouting Ananya's name. Wary of the course their chat would take, he clicked on the ping she had just sent.

Kaushik Ananya: Hws it goin dude??

M gettng bored at my desk, all oldies arnd me :(

Khanna Avik: Kinda fine at my end.

Got these two guys sharing the cabin with me.

Aint really lonly ovr here

Kaushik Ananya: Cm ovr to my desk, we ll go out fr a coffee abhi

Khanna Avik: I jus got myslf a cup.

Wll join u fr lnch defntly. Hardly 10 mts fr it

Kaushik Ananya: :(

y not, aftrall we ve got lnch wd nrithi 2day aftrall :P

Khanna Avik: yeahh, mayb :)

Kaushik Ananya: btw, hw ws it last nyt?? ur homecomng :D

Khanna Avik: Rchd prtty late, jus had dinnr n slept ff!!

Kaushik Ananya: Temme u r kiddng.

Nrithi wud hv been waitg fr u all decked up, hot dinnr cooked up n all :P

Khanna Avik: yupp, dinnr was dere and so ws she

Kaushik Ananya: one luckky bastard u r!!

sharing the cmpny accomodatn wd ur gal

ppl jus dream abt thngs n u ve got it all in ur kitty

do u appreciat any f it dude?? :P

Khanna Avik: nw i do

hws ur boss btw??

mine seems prtty relaxd untl nw

Kaushik Ananya: mine looks like a workaholic :(

chal get up nw, its lunch time nw :)

we ll goto nrithi's place, jus pingd her n she askd us 2 cm ovr dere

Khanna Avik: gimme 5 mts

u mk a move, wll join u in a while

Kaushik Ananya: okies, better hurry up

n lemme knw if u dnt wnt me to b dere fr ur lunch date ;)

Khanna Avik: naah naah, nthg like dat

u re alwaz welcm

loggng out fr nw, cya at her tabl nw

bye

Kaushik Ananya: cool den :)

jaldi aa

we, oops sorry, she ll b waitng ;)

ciao

Avik put the laptop screen down in an instant and made his way out of the cabin. Head down, he quickly made his way to the restroom. Once in, he took out his cellphone and started pressing the keypad with tremendous anxiety.

"Ananya made me very uncomfortable right now. What should i do?? I don't feel like having lunch :( ", he keyed in and selected the Send option.

And then he turned on the tap to splash some water on his downcast face and watery eyes.

The phone buzzed again in his pocket. The reply had come in an instant, as always, he told himself.

"Don't worry. Just act your normal self and do come up for lunch. I'll share the details with her in due course of time", Nrithika responded.

Avik collected his lunchbox and made his way to the floor above.

Closure

2011-11-10T21:15:00.000+05:30

I have had a thousand thoughts creeping up in my head- when I lie down, wait for the bus, or even delay downloading the odd excel sheet at work. All of this has been happenning for almost a month now, ever since Dussehra to be precise. I am still in a state of denial largely, with the intial shock making way for an undercurrent of numbness now.

I have been itching to tap down these laptop keys since then and air it all out. But this time round, I am desperate for a measured reaction. For I badly want the takeaway of valuable lessons I can ill afford to ignore. So maybe, I would just close it all with this, and store all the mementoes, hoping feverishly to take them out of the cupboards some miraculous day.

And life is being sucked out of this dream by the moment!!

Trrring Trrring

2011-11-03T21:47:00.000+05:30

We bought them together- new smartphones
Tragic, hardly hear each other's ringtones.

Sleep Issues

2011-10-30T22:54:00.000+05:30

A dream is getting married to your Special One
A nightmare could be her marrying her Special One.

Greed

2011-10-11T20:01:00.000+05:30

I thirst now to know some magic
Not illusions, but the real deal
Reading minds, donning masks customised
Moments from the past I could steal.

I now crave to look few years old
For these days I carry a visage immature
A wrinkle here, a strand grey there
Shall pass when failed a representation pure.

I want me to be not me
Curbing smiles for the No-nonsense
To harbour likes than be indifferent
And orchestrate the perfect resonance.

I wish I knew whom to emulate
So I could shadow and be an imitation
I just know I am not what they want
I try battling my stack of limitations.

Numb

2011-10-01T01:31:00.001+05:30

Then, I gave it a thought
A damn is all for now.

Sleepy

2011-09-24T22:24:00.000+05:30

Wanna Live My Dreams With You
I Just Sleep the Day Through.

Missing the 'S'

2011-09-17T17:37:00.000+05:30

I have been living alone, in single occupancy, for the last 4 years now. So, the last few weeks should not have been any trouble. In fact, I upheld the idea of getting a single accommodation so much, that I hated sharing a room with a colleague for a mere two days last week. But the loneliness strikes much more harder now, and I have to use 'more' to bring out the grave nature of the calamity I am facing.

I work with with new people everyday. It means I manage to make acquaintances by the end of the day, and proceed to work with complete strangers the next day. And to top it all, when I come back in the evening, I do not ever know any of the people staying in rooms adjacent to mine, or even bump into them in the corridors to exchange glances at the least. I want to open up my mouth at the end of the day and have only myself to bear with the murmurs in my head.

But then, I used to be in hostels. And now, it is all about hotels, and the quality there is going on a downward trajectory by the day. In fact, my room was subject to a police raid the other night, for a criminal who was supposed to be sharing the hotel with me. I go back to the base town tomorrow, and have to shift in to a paying guest facility at the earliest, as per my employer's directions, aimed at cost cutting. Though the logic I have been given is that paying guest accommodations are much safer than the guest houses.

I just hope they gave me enough time at either of the places to come to any conclusion. I am missing the days gone by.

'Busyness'

2011-09-15T14:42:00.000+05:30

I wish I found means or even false pretences to keep busy
Then I would not have had the time to think too much about things.

Or even write this.

Do You Know??

2011-09-11T13:13:00.002+05:30

I have been walking the same roads
But these footsteps are all alone
And then I see the same sights
Without the one I call my own.

I wake up early in the mornings still
But keep lying down till it's too late
The same menu I order for my meals
Just that it is now a single plate.

I have you in my mind now and then
And the odd moment moist go the eyes
Texts and calls can only a little help
I do break down recounting the goodbyes.

I am still very much weak
But I try and act pretty strong
The wait grinds me every breath
No options, it is indeed an interval long.

I have not been used to this way
Have been spoilt in your twinkling glow
And now that you shine so far away
It is a different weekend, you know.

Speech Therapy

2011-09-07T15:08:00.001+05:30

I want to speak, more importantly open my mouth, but most of the time I am alone. So, while I have been letting all of this cook up some of the weirdest thoughts trapped in my head, I had a sort of an awakening just after last midnight, not surprisingly after speaking up, as I struggled to put myself to sleep.

'The people who are available to speak with you anytime are not going to speak the things you want them to speak, and the ones who will speak the things you want them to speak, are not available to speak with you all the time.'

So, just shut up and wait for the latter to speak!

All Waiting

2011-09-06T00:42:00.000+05:30

From green to red to invisible

In love with waiting, easily managable.

I Miss You

2011-09-04T16:05:00.002+05:30

I want to be stronger than the limpest goat

And I know I come across as weak

When my words get lost in the throat

While tears start the trickle down the cheek.

This city has lost its colours and gone pale

Pleasant monsoon clouds now sweeping gloom

Suffocating, I am breathing in an air now stale

Desperate for a respite from this imaginary doom.

Dynamite Dynamism

2011-08-31T15:21:00.001+05:30

I had never expected a smooth runway

In a flash I soar towards the heights

But neither expected a drifting away

A destination getting out of sights.

Dynamism shall not breed resentment

And Change is the only constant, I am told

But a new one could crop up any moment

Before I manage making friends with the old.

I am losing with it all, bits of left-over patience

A demanding vocation, new reality any date

I fear rebelling in all my magnificence

Am better off letting the exasperation abate.

Really baffled, who deserves the cane long

Me, stoking the fires of a smouldering unease

They, constantly changing the abject wrongs

Or us, failing to understand, and each other please.

Sunshine

2011-08-24T21:19:00.000+05:30

So, I finally bid you the dreaded goodbye

Not for ever, but then for quite a span

Was hard toil keeping dry the moist eye

As I recounted flashes the journey began.

It has been scaling a new high everyday

The unending greed- to be one for good

Tried resisting the urge every possible way

Yet, there are doubts if I ever should.

I am missing the pull of my sun

And struggling to obey my course

In this dark, sooty eclipse, I am the invisible one

Calling you out, crying myself hoarse.

Shower me with your rays one fine day

And blow away this gloomy cloak

Take me in you arms, show me the way

I long for your scent, even a tiny poke.

World War

2011-08-22T17:26:00.000+05:30

Eye for eye, world goes blind

Between us we play, never mind.

Hello

2011-08-19T20:58:00.001+05:30

The hands on the laptop jitter
It is the table vibrating
No, it's not any earthquake

Just the trembling cellphone.

The tremors are amplified every call

And I let the little box dance

A different name shows up each tap

Carrying the same dispatch I believe.

That's why I prefer to go cold

And let the trembles be

And because I just can't say a goodbye

Maybe, I should just shy away from a Hello.

Surprise!!!

2011-08-17T11:18:00.003+05:30

Just when it seems that everything is going according to a well defined script and the good times are just round the corner, with all the Plans of Action in place, life throws up its own surprises- more often huge than small. These surprises have been cropping up all over the years, and in their true spirit, they troop in just when everything seems to be finally steady and settled for good.

I was surprised when my Class 12 results were as bad as they turned out to be. I was then surprised when when my Post Graduation grades turned out as average as they were over every single term but one. And I was also surprised when I landed in the laps of my current employers, when I expected myself to be lapped up by one of the earlier visitors.

And then, I got the latest surprise yesterday from these employers. It was all about extending my exile from Mumbai indefinitely till some vacancy crops in my department, and I must continue serving my sentence in this part of the country till further notice. My grouse is not that I am being shunted out of a Mumbai, or a Delhi, or even a Kolkata.

My frustration stems from the inability to now execute the plans we had as per the latest schedule. Because, it calls for the true test of character and patience and it is not easy. But then, we are more than up for it, and will come out of it all stronger than ever before. That should not surprise anyone though!!

PS- On second thoughts, maybe replacing "surprise" by "shock" would not be a bad idea. But I am too lazy now to effect any changes. That's no surprise for sure!!

Those were the Days

2011-08-13T15:54:00.001+05:30

I woke up early in the morning today, just about five minutes before my mother would have come over to our bed to kick me out of it, which is now part of the daily routine. In fact, this brouhaha makes for the first noises of the day emanating from our household, according to the next door "57 No. waali Aunty". No, it was not that I was going to Appu Ghar with friends, or had my annual pilgrimage to the free entry Lodhi Gardens as part of my school picnic. It wasn't even my birthday today.

But then, whatever I was going to get held much greater significance than all gifts I received any other day of the year. Today was going to be the ultimate test of the ratings chart in the school. I also had the added motivation to beat last year's score of 15. I was more than certain of registering 12 from within my class itself, but garnering the additional, at least 4 more, from other sections was my toughest challenge. Afterall, I am not the most social of guys out there, and that is why I was a little apprehensive of how much goodwill could be generated solely on the back of my grades in the just concluded exams.

The day passed, and I returned home a very proud man. Afterall, seniors from Class 8 told me that this was the best tally (of 21 to be exact) that anyone ever registered in their time at the school, and was a score that would take some beating. And after much cajoling and pleading and begging, I managed to get released a princely dole of Rs 150 to reciprocate the goodwill showered on me, to at least a few of those magnanimous 21. So, I went to school the next day carrying a bag of hair bands, hair clips, keyrings, pens and '5 Rupee gifts not worth mentioning'.

Rakshabandhan 1996 was the last I was proud of my brotherly credentials. Expectedly, the numbers went on a decline over the years, out of choice and not-out-of-choice, both.

13 August 2011- I have not yet opened my account for the year, and am getting increasingly nostalgic over the days gone by every passing moment.

High Stakes

2011-08-09T16:03:00.000+05:30

I am terrible at playing poker

Gambled, praying am not the Joker.

Separation

2011-08-03T18:50:00.004+05:30

There is no greater torment than separation

Of conditions, of distances, and of times

I have just given in to the supreme realization

No escaping waltzing to these mystical rhymes.

I long to be the guardian every step, every instant

And yet I am chasing those distant shadows

The times of duty when I just can't be present

Feel like surrendering myself to the gallows.

There is only so much more one could bear

This separation bleeds me drip by drip

Only a few more joyous masks that I can wear

As on a crumbling countenance, I slowly lose my grip.

You are with me for good, I crave for that day

Because then would I have reclaimed my verve

And will ensure that we never go astray

The only commitment I make you, My Love.

Discreetly Happy

2011-08-01T23:28:00.001+05:30

I am very happy these days, in fact have never been happier, in fact this has been going on for little over a month now. I want to share my happiness with everyone on my phonebook, friend lists over Facebook and Orkut as well (I do log in every couple of days), and even with the old lady I handed a banana to, the other day. But it is an altogether different matter that out of all the above, I shared it with just two, and even they were angry that I did not deliver it in the Breaking News format to them.

So, the fact of the matter is that I am getting greedier by the day, and this is an emotion/feeling/sensation/realization/and a hundred other synonyms, growing bigger on me each passing moment. In fact, getting high had never been much conscious fun, switching on the tubelights had never been so enlightening, preparing a cup of tea had never been this engrossing, not wanting to sleep at all had never been so vitalizing, and the urge to write had never been so tempting.

I know for sure that this state of bliss is here for eternity, and there is no escaping from it ever. I tried exercising all my restraint until now, when I can hold it no more and have to share it with you. This is my best attempt at keeping happy and sharing it as well, in the most discreet manners of all possible.

Of Selfishness

2011-07-11T11:31:00.000+05:30

None exceeds that of the man who gifts his wife sexy lingerie on her birthday!!

Try

2011-07-07T17:43:00.000+05:30

Once bitten is always twice shy
Third comes, give an honest try.

Fresher

2011-07-07T13:50:00.001+05:30

So it is a group of 14 Management Trainees my employers have recruited this year. (Five ladies and nine gentlemen- for the like-minded individuals who might be interested in the demographics.) And I have never been happier than during the last month, because something like the real sex ratio is finally being reflected in my immediate environment.

But there is much more to being a 'professional' than having just a healthy sex ratio around. Compared to my scene a month before the last month, there are instances and observations which signal a Change, and I have mixed feelings about them.

I felt like the wrestler in the ballet arena when I entered a Mc Donald's outlet in formals for the first time that day. But then, in a bid to make up for that, I presented myself in casuals while making a presentation on my learnings to the Management Committe.
Because it is shirts and trousers for four days a week, I have developed this tendency to tuck in my tees and shirts on Friday, Saturday and Sunday as well, without forgetting to buckle up the belt, which does not do anything more than bringing embarrassment to my waistline.
There is always this fear that we are being constantly watched over. I am highly conscious of those spycams that figure prominently in every other 'Breaking News' story, snooping over me and my colleagues. I have looked under the table edges, turned the vase upside down, and also tried ripping apart the upholstery of the chairs, but with no success.
Being a coffee lover can be really isolating in offices when it is tea, which is the default beverage. And the requests for coffee are not always entertained, and then one has to help oneself withn just the biscuits.

These days, I embark a 17km long, daily pilgrimage to the R&D centre located on the outskirts of Mumbai. It is about grieving over all those lab sessions gone waste and a sense of helplessness on seeing the beakers, the weighing balances and memories of days gone by. This will carry on for three more weeks, after which I will be excommunicated to near the Maoist heartland in Rachi for four months.

I just hope that I am not kidnapped, abducted, shot at, injured, or robbed over there.

Tissue Paper

2011-06-15T18:39:00.000+05:30

Got her wet wipes for at least a 'Thankyou' in exchange
"Not wanting to be mean", she says, "but keep the change."

Here We Go

2011-05-30T09:28:00.001+05:30

I am yet to start packing my bags

That's why I am detached unlike most

About leaving the comforting faces and places

For the arms of a distant, foreign host.

Am wishing I stay as numb as I've been

That I do not give in to the concerns

Would try retrace the route at the earliest

For a homecoming on my own terms.

I am relocating to Mumbai tomorrow onwards, joining my first employers (the term could well be construed as rude by someone who was kind enough to trust my abilities). In any case, I am scared. For, it has been the longest ever vacation I have had (three months), as a result of which I might not be half as good now, as I was when they screened me. But then, I had my fair share of fun as well.

So, I am looking forward to the experience. Just in case, if things do not shape well, I have the retirement to look forward to. That should keep me going!!

First Day First Show

2011-05-16T09:56:00.003+05:30

Akshat was a perplexed man, or a boy, considering his age- 17 years. But then, he was very much the man for Sunidhi- his girlfriend of the last three months. He was baffled by the fact that a Valentine's Day treat for his girl at McDonald's did not really cheer her up. Afterall, their's was the only couple celebrating love for over two hours in the air-conditioned environs of the restaurant. The doubts were further compounded by the realization that he was doing much more than Arpit, his cousin who dated Mallika Bhabhi in the boring college canteen over a regular feast of chai and samosas over four, long years. Clearly, Akshat was in a different league and his romance was surely meant for a much better and longer innings than just matrimony, whatever that could be!

The only flaw in his logic was that Arpit romanced in a bygone era, 13 years ago, when love was economical, by virtue of the lack of too many options and maybe also the purity of the 'concept of love' in uncorrupted minds.

"Akshat, in today's times, McD is a place for Papa, Mumma and their toddlers. Lovebirds like us have a Pizza Hut, Domino's or maybe even a Nirula's for hanging out. This was definitely not the best Valentine's Day I had.... hoped for", Sunidhi just about salvaged the words and drilled the message into, quite literally, poor Akshat.

"And then you could have done better for a gift than just a 50 Rupee greeting card. I know ", she carried on blabbering in a very condescending tone, "You love me. But then which girl doesn't like to be pampered. Even Rachita- that fat, ugly piece in the hostel received a Valentine's parcel full of clothes and jewelery from her BPO boyfriend. How will I face her in the evening with just this card in hand??", she asked a very subjective question. Akshat had been good at MCQs only. So he kept mum, and let her carry on.

"OK Baby", this was music to his ears. Nothing else, but just the word baby, maybe because his mother had never addressed him as lovingly and melodiously, as far back as he could recollect. He was also used to enjoying the way Sunidhi's lips twisted and twirled, uttering his favourite four-letter word those days. "I will tell the girls that you will get the gifts on my birthday on the 20th. I hope you remember it. Anyways, we are going out to watch Pirates first day first show, I tell you. Don't disappoint me", and she signed off for the day, disappearing behind the iron gates of her hostel compound in a flash. She didn't even turn back for a moment, as the ladies are used to doing in the movies. Well, Akshat was disappointed there and then. No hugs, leave alone kisses to cap the Day of Love was not the climax he had spent his 350 Rupees for.

Now he had just 250 Rupees of his monthly allowance left, and The Birthday was yet to be celebrated. This was just enough to buy a single ticket for the movie. The romance was facing a tough crunch- a credit crunch to be precise. How he wished he had curbed his adventures to the gaming parlour. And then, he could have also walked back home everyday and saved another 15 rupees of the rickshaw fare. Anyhow, he had already given up on his daily gorging of cream biscuits, downgraded to a barber from the Unisex salon, and also stopped going out with his school friends to save money for the times with Sunidhi. There was only so much that could have been done, he consoled himself that night.

They didn't meet until the morning of the 20th. Sunidhi was still seething, and Akshat was experiencing- what was a concoction of frustration, guilt, hesitation and a feeling of being lost in the woods.

A beaming Sunidhi came out of those iron gates sharp at 9 am. She was looking 'beautifuller', if there existed such word, compared to her previous versions, Akshat told himself. For a moment, he thought of reverting from the plan.

A lump in his throat, he handed over an envelope with a DVD inside to Sunidhi. The sight of just another envelope evaporated all her glow. Akshat braced himself for the tirade he could see coming. Without uttering a word, she pounced on the contents and took out the sheet of paper, and started perusing through it.

Dear Sunidhi,

Wishing you a very Happy Birthday Sweetheart. I present all of my love and good wishes for you on this, and every day of the year. Dear, I have no doubts admitting that you are THE ONE for me. If I had my way, I would have showered you with the best of the gifts you long for, for your happiness is very much my aim. But unfortunately, as you might be aware, I have, what is a shoestring budget, fondly called pocketmoney by my parents, to work with. Therefore, at times, I might not really be able to fulfill all your desires. I promise that once I am up on my own, I will leave no stones unturned to make up for these times.

However, in order to comply with your wish of watching Pirates today, I have managed to get hold of a pirated DVD so that the two of us watch the 'first day first show' in any case. The next Birthday will be much more fun sweetheart. I promise.

Wherever you are

Whatever you do

May God always shower

His Love and Blessings on you.

Forever yours

Akshat

Akshat looked on expectantly. But Sunidhi was as stonefaced as a stone could be. Very coldly, she said, "We are going out. I will be out in 15 minutes." And turned back to disappear into the secret world behind those gates. Akshat got thinking.

"Well, I have been let off gently enough. I better start saving up some money from now on. She will keep the DVD in her room and probably, watch it with friends. Doesn't matter, I would have anyways struggled with it, not having had any acquaintance with the prequels", he muttered to himself.

20 minutes gone, and the ground beneath Akshat's feet trembled, literally at first. A black sedan screeched to a halt in front of those gates, obscuring his view of the female guards. It was a Honda City, or was it an Accent. None of it was not important though! The idiot was playing "Mauja hi Mauja", at a decibel level that would put a jet engine to shame. The driver was clearly calling out his girl for some fun times they would have planned for the day. But that was not important as well.

Sunidhi was all that mattered to him that moment. And then, the ground shook again, only for Akshat though. Sunidhi was the one being called out for the 'Mauja' and without even glancing towards Akshat, she sat beside the driver to speed away, this time towards the other iron gate- the campus entrance, to go out.

She would be watching the 'First day First Show' in all likelihood. It was definitely the last she had seen of Akshat though.

"Happy Birthday to youuuuuu.....", he quietly hummed along, on way to the canteen. After about a month, he would be having his favourite cream biscuits again. He could wait no more.

Take That!!

2011-05-02T11:58:00.001+05:30

"How could you call me dumb??
You idiot, I can still speak."

Dee-see College

2011-05-02T11:22:00.007+05:30

29 April
I went to college, the last time for good, the day before, and the day before that as well. Apparently, it was the trivial matter of collecting my undergraduate degree, a task which took me two days to accomplish. And I am happy. For, the four years of 'priceless youth gone waste' spent over there had armed me with a conviction so deep in the incompetence of the administration, that two days in the blazing May sun did not seem much of a trouble.

That was not all though. Retracing the travel to college brought back the good old memories, the latest of which are just under two years old. Boarding the Metro to Rithala was like another of the countless Monday mornings when I packed my stuff from home for at most a fortnight's stay in the hostels. But so much water has dried from the Yamuna since then.

Metro travel is now an exercise in air-conditioned boredom, unless you are comfortable in the milieu of- bare, hairy chests, the odd finger into the nose or the crotch, and the extremely occasional fart . The women have got their own coach, and I haven't yet mustered enough testosterone in my balls to loiter around the edge of their territory.
The RTV ride to Dee-see college from Rithala is now doubly dear, costing 10 bucks instead of the 5 I paid for those four years.
College, or now some University in official parlance, has the beloved Sharma Sir greeting us in his new avatar of Founding Vice-Chancellor, after previous incarnations as Principal and Director, at the entrance.
The college campus is finally looking like it was in those scale models we had at the Admin building, kept alongside the prototypes of some Sci-fi cars and flying saucers students had designed over the years.
There were more cars in the parking lot than students in any of the classes, and I am sure about that. Not too many bikes were to be seen around. This has two conclusions. Firstly, the macho, dude, stud or 'whatever else of this age' roams around in air-conditioned, tinted cars and not bikes. Besides, I have also managed to crack the mystery behind rising fuel prices it seems. All the '70 km a litre bikes' being replaced by '25 km a litre cars' in campuses across the country.
Lastly, girls. How could I miss them, with so many of the species around. It seemed a distant cry from the days gone by. There was this inherent sense of security in the quantity and the quality of the numbers, that guys could now no more rue having their co-ed education of the schools being put to waste. They are solely responsible for themselves, if they still squander the opportunity this new environment of "Someone for Everyone" provides.

Alas, my time over here had expired quite some time ago. The few faces I managed to recognise, could only reciprocate with their ignorance and that meant I had only the Academic Section to go to over the two days. Frankly, for the first time I felt old.

Not in the 'wrinkles and whitening hair' sense. I am still doing a good job fighting the inevitable on those fronts. But the sense that my time is up, and it is these kids who are meant to be enjoying the luxuries and the freedom and experimentation that the youth is meant for.

The message I get is that it is time to get to work, quite literally, which is still about a month away. Till then, I carry on feeling young and pampering myself. And writing the occasional blog post.

Take the Roads

2011-04-28T14:46:00.000+05:30

Metro travel is not comforting anymore
Women have separate coach, another door.

Games People Play

2011-04-20T15:51:00.004+05:30

It had been 5 minutes now, as Utkarsh noted the time since he had stopped writing anymore. All this while, he had been fantasizing about the PSP promised by Dad for topping the exams. In an instant, he swapped the pen for the pencil and went about scribbling on the desk. In the first column, he put in the subjects one below the other- English, Hindi, Maths, Science and Social Science. The second column was made up by his numbers against each subject, all above 90 barring the Hindi paper, wherein he gave himself a modest 80. He knew it was going to be a tight call, as he finished filling the third column- projections of best friend, but more importantly last year's topper-Upamanyu. He was staring at a deficit of about 5 marks. That was as close as he could get, and was still to be found wanting. The PSP was now dying a slow death as he went about erasing the scribbles. There was not much that could be done, other than cursing himself for not revising the Hindi textbooks one more time.

"20 minutes to go boys. Tie up your answersheets. I won't give you time in the end", screamed Khanna Sir, the PT teacher who was on invigilation duty that day. And then he stood up, gulping the last few sips of tea from that plastic cup, to roam around the room and do his best at keeping the evil of cheating at bay. Unfortunately, his noble intentions had failed at stopping the samosa chutney, which had marked its attendance on his T-shirt by then.

By now, the first rays of the winter sun had begun to lay siege onto Utkarsh's desk. But then, it was not just his desk for these exams. A quick glance to his right, and he saw drops of sweat desperately clinging on to the forehead, not wanting to fall down and get soaked in by the question paper and the answer sheets that lay waiting on the desk below. Utkarsh could tell that this was all due to tension, and that was maybe good news. For, a hurried up Upamanyu Bose writing down his exam meant that he was feeling the heat. 'The PSP could still be there'- Utkarsh reassured himself.

The seconds were ticking too slowly for Utkarsh's comfort. "Sir", Upamanyu literally screamed into Utkarsh's ears, "May I go to the toilet?" Khanna Sir looked back suspiciously, eager to unearth something fishy and earn himself front page headlines the next day. But then, all the teachers (including the PT ones) had full faith in their topper. Eyes squinting, a hesitant nod meant that Upamanyu got his shot at relieving himself. Just as he had stepped out of the classroom, the sacred silence of the exam hall was shattered by a ringing cellphone. Having the legendary Altaf Raja belting out "Tum to Thehre Pardesi" did little to soothe the frayed nerves of the harried students, with voices of disapproval growing in volume as the song progressed.

Khanna Sir was the culprit. Very sheepishly, he gestured everyone to be quiet and started murmuring into the phone on his way out of the room. It was at this moment that Utkarsh went into auto-pilot. In a split second extension of his right arm, he had Upamanyu's answer sheet in his clutches. Very calmly, he struck off a couple of his answers from a page in the middle of the answer booklet. He then put it back the way it was, when, almost on cue, Upmanyu and Khanna Sir entered the room.

The exam got over smoothly and no one had an inkling of the 10 seconds of madness that had engulfed Utkarsh back then. He walked out of the classroom, quietly confident that he had done so much more than he could have, to earn himself the PSP.

A week passed, and the results were out. An expectant Utkarsh squared up against the display board which housed the keys to unlocking his PSP fantasies. A prayer on his lips, he checked the "Total Marks" column against the two names.

It was a mixed outing. Upamanyu had still managed the 465 marks Utkarsh could come up with, his personal best. "At least I am sharing the 1st Rank. That is good for starters. And then the PSP is also mine now." He consoled himself.

It was not. Both the boys were sharing Rank 2. Arnav Dixit had secured the top honours this time round with a school record of 476 marks, which entitled him to the Principal's Award as well.

Maybe Utkarsh learnt his lessons, or maybe he did not. The only certainty being that there was at least another year before he got another shot at playing games- for, and on the PSP.

'Six'ing it up!!

2011-04-04T04:30:00.004+05:30

Porn comes for free, not sex.

I got my sex at birth.

Answers anyone??

2011-04-04T04:29:00.002+05:30

Questions in no specific order

Why did Dhoni shave his head 'the day after'?
If "Gillette is the best a man can get", what is the best a woman can get?
Why doesn't the bride marry "the best man" at the wedding?
When men can practice polygyny, why can't women be polyandrous under Islam?
Where will I encounter women in numbers reflective of, or better than the sex ratio, consistently?
Is "9% GDP growth" more glamorous to use than "1.09:1 ratio growth"?
Could rise in inches at the waist qualify for physical growth, like the one from head to toe?
Is Rakhi Sawant really blessed with a 24 inch waist?
Are her assets getting smaller, or is it me only hallucinating?
Then why didn't they ever slap a case of Disproportionate Assets on her as well?
Could I apply the 'six degrees of separation' concept to this post?

Papa Kehte Hain Bada Naam Karega

2011-04-04T03:15:00.001+05:30

Victory

2011-03-08T01:45:00.005+05:30

Just finished watching 'Patiala House'. To be honest, a story about a 34 year old shopkeeper making his international debut, when his bowling action resembles the labours of a 50 year old is a piece of inspiration. Not for an actor, director, producer or any other member of the Bollywood fraternity. But for all the retired cricketers that there could be a few more overs they could hang on for, in the field. And then the likes of Symonds and Gibbs, who got to wield a bat and hit a few out of the park in the movie.

Either Akshay Kumar should have done the movie a decade ago, or waited another decade for his son to have done any justice to the character. Anyways, he should not have been doing so many other movies all this while. But then, dancing around with a Katrina or Anushka scores over helping wife and mother-in-law with some wax and candles any and everyday.

Even the Hrithik lookalike who came up with the ironically/hopefully titled 'Victory' so long ago would be laughing at this despicable attempt. After 'Victory', he lost -his two film old career, Dad all of his producer money, as well as the bragging rights of having a Miss World for a girlfriend. Akshay is a little luckier. Alas! Poor Twinkle is not.........

'Days to Go'

2011-02-20T02:58:00.002+05:30

Time flies very quickly. It is not that I have realized the same today, all of a sudden. The realization set in when Classes 9th and 10th got over in what seemed a flash. Those were the best years of my school life, and hence, the deep longing for us boys and girls to come out of it as men and women. But then, the system has always had 11th, 12th, undergraduate, and if need be, the postgraduate years to provide the paraphernalia for this evolution to take place.

And right now, chewing on a steady stream of Alpenliebes, I have my extranet homepage counting down the two years over here. Wingies tell me that the font colour will turn into red as the 'Days to Go' figure gets into the single digit territory. And I don't really have a response in place. Maybe the occasion calls for a toast commemorating the closure of another chapter, howsoever uninspiring it might have been. Or maybe, I shall quietly chew away the last of these Alpenliebes and doze off into the embrace of the morning breeze. For, this too shall pass........

With the Benefit of Hindsight..........

2011-01-31T05:58:00.004+05:30

................. I can definitely complement myself for applying a little bit of foresight. The particular incident pertains to buying trousers one size over my normal, slimmer version. It is of even greater significance these days, with so many companies flocking the campus and conducting PPTs (Pre-Placement Talks) in order to lure the 'best brains'(?) to their cubicles and desks! Afterall, the above is the only pair kind enough to ensconce my increasingly shy waistline as I show up for a few of these PPTs.

I have also observed that I am attending these PPTs out of more of an inclination than a compulsion, which could be attributed to a combination of the following reasons:

the placement process, this time round, will affect me for much monger than the little over 2 months it did the last time.
the last term over here has beaten the last year at DCE in terms of the sheer magnanimity of the challenge to pass time, such that attending a PPT represents a welcome change.

I can now consider myself a fair bit of an expert on these PPTs, and definitely better than Mandira Bedi was ever on cricket. (She is finally expecting her first child, if anyone else is also interested). Even though every second recruiter might blow his own trumpet about being different from the first and the third, the irony is they are all the same, number four onwards. It is this, which has made choosing a 'dream job/recruiter' a tough job in itself. Not that it would have made a world of a difference to my prospects, as the appreciation must be mutual ultimately!

There exists pretty much the same routine in all of these PPTs. The lecture hall which is full of unkempt, rowdy, straight-out-of-the-bed individuals during the day, sees a transformation in its occupants at dusk. The hall then brims with clean and perfumed, well behaved and alert, young men and a few women waiting eagerly for the 'guests'. A welcome act is then performed with a loud thumping of desks- the ones who want the job more thumping longer and louder, hoping to get recognized there and then!!

From then on, it gets very boring, with self-confessed introvert guys from the companies talking all mumbo-jumbo for infinity. The typical speech waxes lyrical about everything- the past, present and future, the performance (out-performing the competition), the excellent work environment and what not! But the fun part usually begins when the house is thrown open for a round of QnA's. I can recollect a few of the moments as follows:

"Sir, how many days off do we get in a year?", posed sympathetically to a company official who gave a presentation with a fractured hand.

"Sir, in remote locations like Jamnagar where you have your plants, how do employees keep abreast of the company results?" (The question was probably lifted from a talk about two decades ago.)

"Sir, you have 90% market share. Where does the growth come from then?" "We still need to make that 90% pay for using our product!!", comes the prompt reply.

The latest one being the best of the lot until now. We were all courted by this marketing bigwig of Indian origin, in charge of the company's Asia and Africa operations. It was an open air gathering in the lawns, people sitting around round tables and listening to his philosophy on leadership. The major highlight being his belief in "Think Local, Act Global" rather than "Think Global, Act Local". He had had most of us bored and even the anchor was sucked into it, as he summed it up- "Thank you very much Mr. XXXXXXX, that was a very though provoking thought- Think Local, Act Local." I am now waiting to see how many they recruit this year!

It is time I wind up and catch up on some sleep, with another PPT lined up at noon. But like all God fearing kids, I must make a confession before I end the day. All these months I was under the impression that these shows are called PPTs because almost all of them use Power Point Presentations. It was only when one of the shows got over without one, that I cleared my doubts with a fellow attendee.

Silly me! I was thinking that I am ready for some employment now!

Recap: 2010

2010-12-30T20:03:00.001+05:30

Another year and a decade are both about to bid adieu, and I can only help wondering over the year gone by. It would have been much easier documenting the progress over a decade, as a year is too short a timespan. To illustrate, I could say, compared to December 2000, I am taller now, though we are still debating over the inches at home! I have also managed to control the plague of acne which chipped away at my self esteem for half a decade. The situation was so bad, that at my school farewell, my classmate's mother suspected if I was suffering from chickenpox! I also used to stand first in my class those days, which is ancient history in today's settings (this should partly explain why I am more nostalgic for my schoolmates than most others).

Taking note of 2010, I have a few snapshots to make up my highlights reel for the year, in random order . Here we go:

The year started off with flirting transforming into what I then called 'some very cheesy names'. It was all about throwing caution to the winds for the next few months, and then trying to run away from the violent inferno that I had fanned.

With respect to my grades, I can now claim to have seen the entire spectrum. I had already explored the lower end, and the trend seemed to suggest that my dream of getting at least one A+ would remain just a wish. But I managed two of them over the last term, and the compromise made over the quality of the electives has been justified.

The clubs struggled in college and the Premier League both. The club I am in charge of here, and Liverpool were both relegation candidates owing to issues at the helm, and for the time being, seem to have avoided the dreaded drop.

Old habits die hard. After having survived the early year storms, I decided to get back on the circuit. But the two standby candidates I had in mind disappointed me. I chanced upon their stories and pictures on Facebook with their close friends, in positions which are compromising in nature, by my standards! Anyways, the opportunity to catch up with my school crush was too enchanting to be given up, and the two hours spent in her company were worth the effort. It made for the perfect comeback in light of my confidence crisis, and is one of the reasons I am ending the year on a high.

I had three breaks of 10 days each spread throughout the year, and had plans to explore Sikkim, Darjeeling, Bhutan, Sunderbans and what not, but landed up at the New Delhi Railway Station everytime. In a total of six attempts, not once did I encounter the kind of company I longed for in a 16 hour train journey. The light at the end of the tunnel came on the latest return to Kolkata. The 30 minute hide and seek my eyes played with those of a burqa-clad girl sitting in the Bareilly Intercity Express, while I bid my time at the platform waiting, signified that all hope is not yet lost.

Obesity remains one of the heavier challenges, and after tipping the scales to record levels mid-year, I am on the mend now. I have doubled my evening walks/jogs/runs/strolls (depending on the observer) and have also devised smart means to motivate myself. I don't term the regimen as 'jogging' anymore. I call it a 'workout', which provides a greater semblance of a professional, result-oriented approach to my endeavours.

Pondering over what next to type down, I find myself all at sea. Maybe I could devote a few keystrokes to the guy who was listening to Himesh songs hoping to pile on the pressure, s(h)itting in the loo. But then, I must also not overlook the Professor who assures a 100 strong class that they need not fear Al Qaeda trooping into the campus as long as he is there. Or even celebrating Christmas by visiting the nearest mall and amusing ourselves with some festive eye-candy.

Or maybe it is time I planned for my evening tomorrow, or, given the contingency of the challenge at hand, tagged along with someone having a plan other than staying closeted in their room and watching a feel-good movie. Anyways, the malls will still be open, just in case!

Happy New Year, and a New Decade as well.............

I Wish....

2010-12-19T13:02:00.003+05:30

I wish I knew myself better

That I had not dared going so bold

The sins I committed on a platter

Painted a caricature of myself in gold.

I recognize that my record appalls

Hence, the longing to turn back the clocks

I want to reconstruct the reeking memory walls

As I come across the loud, whispering flocks.

Am aware I am not alone facing this bogey

There are others I inadvertently set afire

Helpless, I can only tender a sincere apology

And pray for a respite from this mire.

I wish I knew myself better

That I had dared not going so bold

I wish you saw it all coming

And never took me in your fold.

It Hurts!!

2010-11-18T00:45:00.004+05:30

A Slap on the Face: She doesn't accept your friend request on Facebook, even though her friend count rises every day.

A Bloody Nose: She accepts your request, and then a few days later, she turns up in the list of 'People You May Know'.

LESSON: It hurts either way, so better wait, or just chop off your fingers!!

The Show Must Go On

2010-11-13T01:56:00.002+05:30

Just about a year ago, I felt, for a few moments, as if the world was crumbling to pieces. Two days of setbacks accompanied by a number of smiling faces around, more than doubled my frustrations- over my inability and their ability to clear the hurdles. Putting up a brave face and acting completely unfazed by the situation took a toll through the day. By bedtime, I could not hold on anymore, and utterly helpless, went to bed in a deluge of tears. The maverick many assumed him to be through the day, had finally unmasked himself in the dark, cold comforts of the night!

But blessed with skin thicker than most of the pigs around, normalcy was restored within two days. And now, a year later, witnessing the scenes unfold from the galleries, I have been seeing reflections of myself in plenty. I saw them yesterday, today and then maybe tomorrow and beyond as well. I want to reach out and comfort them, reassuring that they are still the finest and the best out there; that nothing is lost until they keep trusting their abilities. But something stops me from doing so!

It seems that I am not really seeking to soothe their nerves, but mine. These reflections out there are nothing but manifestations of the yet unconquered, year-old demons. And that stops me from approaching them with any gestures or words which may soothe them. For now, I quietly watch the show unfold and pray for the Gods to be kind upon them. We will trade places in a few weeks' time and it will be my turn then, to play to these galleries once again. The Show must go on....

Confessions of an Insomniac

2010-10-24T02:21:00.003+05:30

Sometimes killing time can also end up taking a lot of one's time. The end result being: in this wanton spree you kill much more than you had budgeted for. There are days after days and then nights as well, especially for a hostel student, when there exists no other alternative to dirtying your hands in order to kill time and go off to sleep, which in itself, is the most effortless and simplest means of killing time. Unfortunately, one can sleep only so much that other means of killing time had to be devised.

Why do we kill time?? Initially, I felt time killing starts because of an obvious excess of time. As a child, I went to school, came home, did my homework and then I had some more time, before dinner was served and we went off to sleep. It is here that me and fellow children learnt the first lessons. You either play or read a storybook, or watch television, or talk crap to anybody around, or just sleep before dinner is served.

But the truth is- Time killing is all about waiting until you fall asleep!! If you may notice, a hard day's work- at school, office or wherever, is all about draining out yourself so that you earn a good night's sleep the moment you hit the bed. It is in these circumstances that time passes like anything, and you are able to doze off directly without resorting to any aids. The trouble creeps in when you do not have access to these draining opportunities, or in most cases, the willingness to take this direct route to sleep.

In my case, college is the perfect embodiment of the latter scenario. I could have done so much to earn a good night's sleep every night. And I ended up doing so much more! It was my ignorance and immaturity combined, which meant that I resorted to every possible indirect means to earn my 10 hours of sleep. Wandering around the campus in odd hours of the night, chatting away to glory with fellow insomniacs right into the mornings, or just using the time tested primitive means to fall asleep and put the matter to bed (pun intended).

The sense I make out of this is that life is all about practicing sleeping daily and killing time because when we go to sleep for the one, last time, time truly ceases to exist! That means we have finally killed time. All these years, we were doing our little bits at killing time piece by piece, to attain this elevated state.

Even now we are killing another piece of time. I, by typing in these characters, and you, by reading it all. Quite a waste of time before we go off to sleep. Sweetdreams....

"Let the Games Begin.....

2010-10-03T02:40:00.002+05:30

...and hope for the Best!" Not the best ever medals tally by any stretch of imagination. Just that the 12 day "extra"vaganza gets over with as few extra glitches as possible. The infrastructural issues are all very much 'out of the closet', and so much praise has already been heaped on the organizers. The only confusion today is over who actually is/are the organizers?? There are three suspects:

First up, based on the sheer weight of newspaper pages devoted to him, Mr. Kalmadi, who also happens to be 'the face' of the Games. It is not, mind you, the tiger Shera, he is desperately trying to promote as the Games' mascot. Shera and his brethren have, in fact, been the unfortunate victims of relentless shooting over the decades, one of the CWG competitions! Mr. Kalmadi, in charge of the Organizing Committee (OC) has stated in his defence that his job is not building the infrastructure, but conducting the games. This is akin to organizing a house party for your beer-friends, and all Mr. Kalmadi did was buy the beer crates and music CDs, expecting the Missus to clean up the house and hide the dirty, unhygienic kids! Unfortunately, the Missus went missing, and the inebriated Kalmadi had no idea who she was, leave alone where she was!!

Next on the chargesheet is the government. But confusion persists over which one- the one at the Centre or that in Delhi!! Probably, this is why even the governments could afford to lie low all this while. All they did was shell out wads after wads of currency, hoping they had bought themselves their absence! Now this reminds me of the instance when the 'really busy' working parents ask the kids to run errands for the upcoming family get-together. The smart kids of this generation they are, they gorge on McDonald's and Pizza Hut with this money, only to return empty-handed with tears in their eyes, narrating how they lost the cash in the crowded marketplace!! The considerate parents of this generation they are, they splash some more cash, and the story goes on. It is finally on the eve of the get-together, that they realize the horrors that have unfolded- half a kilo sugar for the price of one, Big Bazaar crockery in place of the LaOpala they asked for, whiskey bottles smelling of cola, and much more. They know taking the kids to task is for another day, with the immediate concern being salvaging the situation. That is what is unfolding in Delhi right now!

Lastly, the Commonwealth Games Federation (CGF), which awarded the hosting rights to Delhi. I must clarify, I am not criticizing them for being impressed by Mr. Kalmadi's team. But, being the proprietors of the event/idea that the Commonwealth Games are, they should have done a little more homework. India's commitment to sports can be gauged by the fact that the country's biennial National Games have been held just about 9 times in the last 25 years! And the credit for establishing this strong culture of sports goes unsurprisingly, to Mr. Kalmadi who is heading the Indian Olympic Association since 1996. By this yardstick, the likes of the Mikes of the CWG- Fennell and Hooper, would have as well recommended Lalu Yadav to the World Bank, on the basis of the impressive turnaround of the Indian Railways during his reign.

And probably, there are a few more culprits, the media has been unable to bring into the limelight yet, for me to devote a paragraph to them as well. The only undisputed fact is- the Games begin tomorrow onwards definitely, and I am a relieved man. Not because I was worried about the pullout threats issued by the various contingents. I just feared if Mr. Kalmadi gave in to all these brickbats and pulled India out of the Games!

Let the Games begin......

Making up the Numbers

2010-09-15T22:10:00.005+05:30

Over the last year, I have been very active on the movie-watching-in-multiplexes front, by my standards. I have check-marked (in random order): Inception, Raajneeti, Avatar, Iron Man 2, Lafangey Parindey and Dabangg over this period. However, the movie going experiences during school have still stayed fresh in my mind. Because I never went out a lot then, and even now, or even the years in between! There were two constants with respect to those expeditions to the multiplexes. To start off, they were all Shahrukh starrers- the likes of Kal Ho Na Ho, Main Hoon Na and Veer Zara. The other constant being my companion on those adventures to the dark world of multiplexes- Akshay Kulkarni, who also happened to share the classroom with me, other than the tickets!

It was a case of clinging on, to at least the straw until 'the boats' arrived! A strange feeling used to engulf me those days, on every visit to the movies. We were two/too young, impressionable boys standing 'bumper to bumper' (to each other of course!) in the queue for admission, with cozy couples all around! It was at those moments that I felt the plight of the helpless fox who could only claim the grapes were sour. We would quietly take our seats, sipping colas and munching popcorns all the while. I could never focus entirely on the screen, always speculating about the dark arts that might be going on around, especially in the legendary Side Seats, I had grown up hearing tales of. Unfortunately, no concrete evidences ever came up.

Still, everytime he would propose a trip, I could never dispose, gladly parting company with my monthly allowance in 3 hours flat! I now believe he knew that I could never say "No" to him. Either because he was also stranded out there like me and saw us as comrades sharing a common fate, or could not manage the desired companions for the Shahrukh starrers. I used to believe in the former, until I found out that he went out for Hollywood movies all those years as well, with the kind of companions I longed for, and more importantly, without me!

Fast forward to college, and 'three' years went by without a movie, mainly because Kulkarni was no more my classmate. So, into the 'third' year, in an apparent last ditch effort to make up the numbers, I came up with a grand idea. It was to watch a multi-starrer with multiple companions. It had to be any movie, but a Shahrukh starrer, because of an uninspiring past associated with those movies. With some stars by my side, I managed to complete the 'triplet of threes'- rounding off with an all-female ensemble of 'three' former schoolmates. We zeroed in on Tashan. And without going into the gruesome details, I would say, given my experience at handling 'such' numbers, I sank without a trace- just like the movie.

Over here in Kolkata, I have now started afresh to make up numbers for the years gone by, and watching Dabangg this Sunday was another one in the series. The fact that instead of watching it in a multiplex that screens the likes of Cheeni Kum, I took fancy to a local hall nearby, made the experience memorable. The constant whistling, comment-baazi, and the overall enthusiasm of the crowd throughout an otherwise lame movie ensured that it was money well spent. Next on the agenda is to broaden my horizons and go for some Bengali cinema. Aparna Sen and Rituparno Ghosh come lower on the pecking order. First up is one that has taken entire Bengal by storm, the gripping love story of Banglar King Kong.

Not to forget, a look at the blog data for this year tells me that I am running behind my minimal target of averaging a post a month, by a post! So, part of the reason I come up with this post is to get my numbers in place. Apparently, I am still into making up the numbers..........

Hit Wicket

2010-09-06T02:22:00.002+05:30

It is now just a little less than a third of the course remaining before I am eligible to be awarded the coveted (yes it was, when I started off!) Diploma. With the benefit of hindsight now, I realize things could have culminated in a little better fashion than just getting hold of that piece of paper. In other words, my time over here has been just about going through the motions, i.e. making do with the bare minimum, i.e. keeping my head above the waters, i.e. keeping it short and simple, which this sentence was not at least!

To be honest, when I came into this place, all I knew for sure was that I would, come what may, not fall behind the guys coming in from the offices, making the fatal assumption that they had forgotten the smells of the textbooks and inks in their offices compared to kids like yours truly, from the schools. These Uncles and a few Aunties of the world would rather take it easy these two years of the sabbatical, than lose precious hours of sleep. There were just two errors with this premise of mine.

First up, at an individual level, I misinterpreted the dictum "Form is Temporary, Class is Permanent". The fundamental error was that I mistook my Form for Class. A situation similar to one in which poor Ravindra Jadeja found himself to be in, facing the Steyns of the world after devouring on the Makdas and Gonys of the domestic circuit. The BCCI selectors mistook his "form" against these domestic stars for his "class", which revealed itself on the bigger stage. If only, Jadeja got into the team before I got in here!

I might still have had a chance had I not erred on this one. The other fundamental error was concerned with my assumptions concerning the Uncles and Aunties. Being a just-out-of-school kid, our valuations of this stint here were at opposite ends of the spectrum. Needless to say, mine was the lower one. Mainly because of the fact I had made it here as smoothly as possible compared to the multiple shots they had all had, easy enough to figure out the reason behind the dissonance in our valuations. Take the examples of Mike Hussey and Irfan Pathan, who debuted at ages 30 and 19 respectively. Since then, Hussey has earned the title of "Mr. Cricket" and Irfan, the title of "Yusuf Pathan's brother" (a different matter that Yusuf himself has the title of "Shilpa Shetty's brother" these days; still better than Irfan's though).

The last three years of my career for sure, I have been a firm believer in-"Forget the Past, Live the Present and Ignore the Future". But Mohamed Aamer and friends, from Pakistan, have put a big question mark over my philosophy, and potentially, career as well. Just like the impressionable 18 year old Aamer, I have also been upto a few indiscretions which, if ever they see the light of the day, would see me suffer the same, if not worse, fate that has befallen the young man. It is not just the game of Cricket, but one of its followers as well, finding himself at the crossroads this day!

I have no clues whom to blame for what has become of this game. But I know whom to point fingers at, for what has become of me- myself, for living the game. It is now that I realize why probably, they never gave us the bats, but footballs in the Games periods at school. If only, I had not cursed my PE teacher then!

I am not Stalking Her...

2010-07-26T11:06:00.012+05:30

I had an eye on her also, the entire last year. But it is only this academic year that I have got to know her better. She shares an elective with me. And that means I can devote much more of my eyes upon her, three hours a week guaranteed. I come into the class early everytime, ensuring that I get to sit in my strategic location, at the top of the amphitheatre-esque lecture hall, by the time she saunters in with a cup of cold coffee in hand. She does not have the hotter version ever. No other guy in the campus knows this!!

Anyways, I have been thinking of sending her a Facebook friend request, but the fact that two of the my female batchmates have already failed me deters me. Partly because I am a resident of the most vulgar and notorious of the three hostels in the campus, and on top of that, I share my wing with the most vulgar and notorious residents of this hostel (it's just that I get great kicks hanging out with these guys, and nothing else!).

So I had to give her a good account of myself before making any other moves. The opportunity came in the form of a presentation I was to give in the class the other day. I read the case in great detail, made my best presentation ever (better than the one for the Internship) and practised my lines 10 times. Dressed up in my best attire with a liberal spray of borrowed deodorants, I was sure of clinching her approval that day. It all went according to the plan and the Professor was also impressed. But she was not there!! Turned out that her good-for-nothing boyfriend had come into the town for the fourth time in the 13 months at the campus, and they were "God only knows where" doing "God only knows what"!!

Fast forward to this morning's class. Obviously, I had gone in all bathed and shaved, in an eternal anticipation of being noticed. She trooped in, at the last moment as always. Today, something was different. The sleeveless kurti with floral designs was complementing the churidar she had put on. And she was looking her own enchanting self in this attire as well. Very strange, it was. She is always into western wear, and that includes her nightwear too!! And then she had a big, loaded bag, hanging from her slender shoulders. Strange!! I thought to myself again, given that she has only a single class on Mondays. Ten minutes into the lecture she untied her long, dark hair only to tie them again. Strange again!! In fact, I have seen other females also do it many a time and never quite understood the logic of it. Is it to exercise the arms, check if the shoulder sockets are alright, or what??

Anyways, another fifteen minutes later, the contents of the mysterious bag started pouring out. She took out a shawl from the bag and wrapped herself up, shivering, as if it were the Delhi winters coupled with the snowfalls of Nainital for greater effect. Strange once again!! She was busy taking notes as the female sitting next to her fell asleep. In the meanwhile she also had the time to take a tube out, of what was probably an Oriflame moisturiser, and applied all over, her arms only!! Very Strange!!

However, the icing on the cake was when the sleeping female woke up. Instantly, she stops writing her notes and pulls out a novel from that fake Gucci bag, acting as if she was immersed into it forever. That half hour in the lecture hall made me realize how much of my eyes I have wasted upon her. I just do not know her enough as she transformed my understanding of her from Strange to Stranger!!

This was the moment when it dawned upon me, that in spite of allegations from other guys, I am not a stalker. So, to put the matter to rest, I hereby declare to the best of my knowledge and belief: "I have never stalked her effectively enough or, in other words, I am not stalking her.... anymore!"

I (Still Don't) Know What I Did Last Summer!!

2010-06-27T12:55:00.003+05:30

It has been quite some time now, just over three months since my last masterpiece came out. Well, there exists some reason for that. I have, as the title of this post suggests, just not been able to figure out what I did in the three months gone by. The only thing I am sure of is that I spent loads of time at home, unlike quite a few of my mates here, and my busy schedule permitting, took out some time for the internship work also, the primary reason for which I was in Delhi/Gurgaon.

It was the Internship, or Summers as they call it in B school lingo, that should have been accorded the topmost priority in the summer gone by. But if you have been reading my stuff over here regularly enough (are you actually??), you would have well figured out it couldn't always have been the case!! To start off, I was interning with a sports and lifestyle brand/company/retailer (take your pick), which claims to have over 50% share in the market. This, in my opinion, represented a decent launchpad for a high flying corporate career I still have the audacity to dream of.

Well, that was it then. The project assigned to me dealt with a certain store the company had in a popular South Delhi market, and I was expected to devise means to boost the sales over there. This is where my guide chips in now. Every time, during the first month, I came up with some brainchild of mine to boost sales, he would veto it and rather ask me to "Understand the game and the rules with which it is played, and once you did that, we would get down to playing the game!"

One month over, I still hadn't figured out what game he was talking of all the while. With the second half of the stint beginning, I went in for a week's break to my cousins' place in Nainital, with a leave granted of course! I had acquired certain professional etiquette at least by then. Once I returned, it was my guide's turn. And he did one better than me. First, he went off for a weeklong official tour, and upon return, fell ill for a week, robbing me of a fortnight's learnings. Sob, sob!!

This should summarize it all, and you can't be dumb enough to be unable to figure out what might have transpired in the final presentation I had over there. I would be honest enough to admit that they displayed the highest levels of professionalism to honour their commitment and pay me my entire stipend after going through what I touted as the Final Presentation. The only saving grace was that the company does not have any PPO (Pre-Placement Offer) policy, and I still have my head held high back in the campus. It is an altogether different matter what might have transpired had they had such a policy, but I am just not into all the Ifs and Buts.

Over here, it has been none short of a morale booster. PPOs are coming in at a faster pace and in greater numbers than they did last time round, and that bodes well for people like yours truly as well, who are banking on other's success for theirs as well!! So, I am just praying that the Job Gods keep smiling on the campus, so that I also manage to have one last laugh. By the by, I still haven't quite figured out what I did last summer, as the Feedback Form from the company officials wasn't handed back to me, unlike many other organizations my batchmates interned with. It was posted straight to the Placement Office!!

NOTE: The contents of this post do not bear any resemblance to any persons/organizations living or dead, and any resemblance may be viewed as purely (co)inicidental!!

Home Alone

2010-03-20T12:27:00.003+05:30

It was exactly after 162 nights that I landed up in Delhi last Monday. Unfortunately, my fetish of travelling by air and soothing my eyes by stealthily ogling at the air hostesses seems to be dying a slow, very painful death. Because, it is now three times in a row that I have flown in an Indigo, expecting a Kingfisher! And every time, Indigo has conspired to come up with some of the most exotic women, handpicked from the deepest interiors of the country. So much I am disillusioned with flying by air now, that I might well travel by train the next time round to atone for any sins yet to be settled.

And this was just not the frame of mind I wanted to be in as I reached home. The folks at home did not seem too excited seeing yours truly, or rather managed to exercise great control over their emotions as I would like to believe myself. Anyways, probably because it was around midnight, I thought the real welcome ceremony would be held the next day, when all would be much more energetic and enthusiastic. Tomorrow never came! This should sum up any grand welcome I was anticipating as I slept off that night. Well, probably things had just not changed, or at least my standing in the family, and I was quick to accept my fate.

Now that things at home had not changed much, it was time to explore if the city had undergone any change. Well, five months' absence from the scene seemed to be worth five decades' for sure. Firstly, my apartment has got a jazzy, new name-board proclaiming its name loudly to the world: ANAMIKA. It seems weird to me why this name needs any proclamation when the very meaning of the same suggests something otherwise. A quick chat with the Guard on duty revealed further disappointment. The good news was that a fair number of families had done the 'In & Out' of the apartment. The bad news, however, was that the two girls I fancied all the while had gone out and of the two families that had moved in, they had girls too young by my standards. They are studying in Class 7 and 8 respectively. No adventures at home for sure now!

It was time to move out and explore the opportunities outside, or at least gauge the scope for any (mis)adventures I am desperately longing for. Most of the things were just the same with a few, new details added to them. The roads were a little less crowded than usual when I realized that a fair bit of the traffic had shifted above: to the new Metro Line. The bus ride was to be surely more comfortable now. I climbed into one hoping to catch a glimpse of the opportunities outside, waiting to be explored. The 1 pm sun meant that the fair crowd was not on the roads. 'It has to be in the air-conditioned confines of the Metro above me', I told myself. I quickly called home and informed sincerely that I would explore the Metro for some time and return a little late. Hope and faith were both restored as I entered the Metro premises.

Immediately, I decided to travel a couple of stations in the opposite directions in order to get greater exposure to all of whatever was out there on display. I never knew females in my part of the city are as good as those from any other, or was it the 162 nights of acute deprivation at work! I was least bothered, as I had a gala time out there. With a very heavy heart I trundled out to get back to the familiar faces at home. That sure activated the relevant hormones somewhere deep down, and I got down to work immediately. I parted ways with the sarkari connection and immediately went for a newer one, partly to cut costs on my STD operations, and partly to tell people through the Facebooks and Orkuts of the world that I have a new Delhi number, and more importantly: I am in Delhi now!!

Alas! No responses have come over the last three days. My first weekend in Delhi is staring me in the face, and I have no options but to dish up some more of my regular trash over here. Time is running out fast and by the looks of it, the honeymoon period at home would expire soon. Please call me. I beg of you!

Do You Want a Partner??

2010-02-14T02:34:00.001+05:30

It is the mushy season all over again. And finally, finally, finally!! I will not be cribbing, sulking or cursing myself or anyone else anymore. It seems I have managed what seemed impossible over all these years, and in all likelihood, put to rest any disconcerting queries I would face with regards to the Valentine's Day. I would not be playing any more FIFA the whole day this year for sure.

Kamini has been my schoolmate and we were in fact seat partners for a couple of years, which were, to be frank, eminently forgettable. But it is a vastly different scenario now, as we have gladly recognized each other's existence and, I believe, have very high hopes out of this partnership. Given that I have now some genuine company ensured for the day, I had resolved not to leave any stones unturned to seal the deal for me. However, having been a remarkable absentee from the circuit all these years, I am still very much a novice. So, I had to look up to a few sources for some much needed inspiration. The various experts I consulted did not disappoint and came up with a few gems, not to be found anywhere else:

"Take her out to the Science Park", the married gentleman who happens to be my batchmate suggested, as he took his wife over there when she was in the city. Unconfirmed sources claim that she left for home the very next day after this extremely romantic gesture of his.
"Send her a bouquet of roses and chocolates. This would certainly sweep her off her feet", the chivalrous one suggested. It worked with his Lady Love surely. Just that because it happened to be an anonymous gift, she attributed it all to another guy and he ended up reaping all the rewards of his chivalry.
"Go all the way to her place and give her the surprise of her life", the innovative one suggested. Though it was definitely not his woman who was surprised when he attempted the same. It turned out that while he was booking the train tickets he did not provide his hostel address for ticket delivery and they got delivered to the default residential address his account had. So, another woman got the surprise of her life- his mother!!
"Take her to a multiplex and make the best out of the anonymity the dark in the hall provides", chipped in the adventurous one. However, his was an adventure turned sour. Just as he was about to initiate all the coochie-coo, he received the beating of his life and the half-asleep multiplex came alive. It was all coming from the girl's still possessive ex, sitting behind them alongwith his latest love. By the way, impressed, she patched up with him leaving our loverboy out in the cold.
"Pen down the best poem you can and dedicate it to her", declared the writer. He did that a few years ago and never felt like writing anymore. The poem he mailed to his inspiration was immortalised. It ended up decorating the love letter she sent to his roommate.

These gems were more than enough to give me goosebumps about the consequences of any charm offensives I was about to undertake. But the incident which scared the daylights out of me was the one narrated by the heartbroken one. He is an old mate from school and I had just got back in touch with him. As I prodded him in our latest chat about any romance in his life, he literally broke down. He told me how he was head over heels for his seat partner from school. They were going together fairly well when she ditched him suddenly for another of her seat partners.

"Tell me yaar. How could she?? Especially when the other guy was her seat partner for just two years compared to my three!!", he typed in dejected. Shell shocked!! I had nothing to type back to him. I went totally numb and could only hear the distant mumblings of a song Govinda and Salman were dancing to.

"Do you want a partner??", they asked excited, and I had nothing to respond!!

Lovefool

2010-02-03T04:18:00.003+05:30

In a matter of just a few days
So close now, from so very far
None of it ceases to amaze
Strange indeed, is the way we are.

It is you and only you
I want to walk with hand in glove
Sceptics may doubt if it's true
I just can't stop professing my love.

An emotion this is unparalleled
Better than any other of yore
A day without your scent inhaled
Freezes to a halt my very core.

All I ask for is your patience
Want you to trust all my schemes
For your gratification is the essence
The torchlight of all my dreams.

There are bound to be instances
We doubt the element of it all
Odd bumps would come in flashes
The pursuit is not always a merry ball.

And yet this confession I make profuse
It is over you, I will always drool
Welcoming every adulation, every abuse
Glowing in your love, I'm the lovefool.

On Your Day

2010-01-20T00:05:00.000+05:30

It feels great to have reclaimed
Memories from a distant past
The frosted fires perfectly tamed
I am none better than a phantast.

Maybe I still don't have the voice
To convey my unending appreciation
Feels like am skating on thin ice
Still dreading a fall into desolation.

And yet I muster up some courage
For this is my chance to convey
Give me from your life, a page
On what is your day today.

Empty Vessels

2010-01-10T22:54:00.004+05:30

Yet another time, in the midst of all the hullabaloo, all the commotion, and all the people carrying out their tasks with great zeal; I have conveniently slipped into the role of the quietly disturbing stranger. They are still chatting on right now and doing their little bits of work as I hit the keyboard and act busy, probably to avoid any work from being assigned to me. I am invariably the last person in the room to pick up a task, and even they seem to have understood my grand designs by now. Slowly, but certainly, I am withdrawing myself from this small team I have been assigned to, and they also seem to have probably bid a quiet goodbye to me. None of this is happening for the first time. And probably not the last time either. It was never like this in the four years of undergrad which were full of an uninhibited nonchalance every single day. Doing nothing but just lazing around for days on end was, if not great fun, never a cause for worry.

I have been getting these bouts of emptiness every now and then for some weeks. Suddenly, the body is drained out of all the energy, the lights around begin to darken and the mind goes blank. I sit statuesque and stare into the walls, hoping to catch some vital glimpse into space, but to no avail. And then it goes, just as spontaneously as it comes. All it leaves behind is just a lingering sense of unease. A feeling that all is not really well, and nothing more.

Recap: 2009

2009-12-26T19:21:00.005+05:30

Exactly a year ago, I came out with the first post of the blog's (hopefully) annual "Recap" series. So, lifting lines from the first edition- as I sit back and take stock of the year gone by, it has been a mixed bag. Wowww!!! Isn't every year, especially when it has- 365 days or 52 weeks or 8760 hours or 'Oh so many' minutes and seconds, bound to be a mixed bag. Finally, it seems that I have cracked the mystery to why every single year is nothing but a mixed bag.

Anyways, talking of "another of those mixed bags" this year was, what began on a high saw its fair share of lows as well, and in fact, they keep on coming these last few days of the year. It has to be the grades over here. I believe the luxurious last 3 semesters at DCE are all to be blamed for the state of affairs. Having been presented with a parting gift of great marks in Undergrad, I am, probably, too spoilt now to put in some effort to 'earn' my grades over here. It is indeed a strange transition. For I believe I was always (at least until school) a student who did everything from the point of view of getting that extra mark in his kitty. They were the most important thing to me. But somehow, as of this day, a complete transition has taken place, and grades are definitely not there in my list of priorities. Because the latest grades came out a couple of days ago and as the trend now is, they were below my expectations. Interestingly, I got over this in 15 minutes flat as compared to a day each for each subject the previous term.

But then they have anyways, been on a downward trajectory ever since Class 10. Perhaps my mother is right when she says that I shirk away from putting in the effort and that is why I set moderate targets for myself. Clearly, this is a politer means of saying that I am not ambitious enough, which is maybe true. I did not have any plausible defence then, but now I have one, albeit not yet foolproof. Thanks to the rigorous practice for the interviews, I have this wonderful line that I want to do something that I really enjoy, as only then any efforts put into the same would never be taxing. If only, I found out what exactly out there would give me some real enjoyment!

Otherwise, on other fronts, it has been a pretty satisfactory year. I have at least not gained any more weight ever since October. Made new friends, lost some old ones, and rediscovered some lost ones. Watched more than my fair share of movies, played lots of FIFA, and even sighted the India and Sri Lanka team buses (they were empty!!!), if not the game at the Eden gardens. But life is still devoid of some good romantic fling, and peer pressure is beginning to take its toll on me. So, to keep up with my high expectations from myself, I have spread my cellphone coverage to as far as Chennai!! Feverishly hoping Lady Luck is kind to me this time round.

To turn the remaining few things around, I am definitely looking forward to the year coming up. The reason being not that I have some grand plans ready for execution. Just the plain fact that with five days to go for this year, it has to be the next one for something significant to happen. So wishing a Happy New Year to all...... Cheers!!!!

The Game

2009-12-05T23:48:00.000+05:30

I always thought it was for real
And there never existed any rules
But it was all far from surreal
I was one amongst the countless fools.

Hunters lurking at every corner here
Waiting to pounce onto unsuspecting prey
A piece of flesh laid out to ensnare
And the smartest of dumb asses go astray.

It would be hard to digest another loss
I will have to shoulder all the blame
Must cover up each of my flaws
It's time I recognized this wicked game.

Bad Boys???

2009-11-19T00:15:00.003+05:30

Stereotypes can be absolute killers!! Especially, when one does not really make for a member of the elite brotherhood he is ascribed to by default. As far as my understanding of any of this goes, it is derived purely from an observation of the goings-on, rather than the heavy OB textbooks we have had here. Those books have made for some good weightlifting exercises though, and my biceps, if I may call them, are in much better shape than when I landed here!!

First up, is the issue of being a Delhiite. I take a lot of pride in being from the National Capital, based on reasons still unknown to me! But the thing that really bugs me is the typical character description a Delhiite elicits from every second guy over here. Cheat, shrewd, opportunistic, and other synonyms from the thesaurus go on...................... In essence- a Bad Boy (and I am not talking of Emraan Hashmi in Good Boy Bad Boy)!! Unfortunately, events over here have actually added substance to these opinions. I used to take comfort in the belief that a Mumbaikar, or a Chennaite would also command similar respect being from a Metro. Alas!!

Delhiites win it hands down. To be honest, I have had more than my fair share of the Bad Boys as described above. And they can be pretty mean at times. So maybe, they are not really off the mark with their allegations. But I find it hard to digest that the other fellows are all angels out here. Either they really are, which some of them are surely not, which means they are damn good at keeping that part of themselves under wraps. That's where the Delhiites probably need to catch up with the others.

Next on the agenda is that finally we, the menfolk- the Good Boys and the Bad Boys combined, have our day today- The International Men's Day (click here for details)! The celebrations this year focus on the the positive male role models around us. So my apologies to the Bad Boys. No more references to you in this post. Finally, the Good Boys have their hour of glory it seems. But Ooops!!! There is no mention of the day anywhere in the mainstream media other than the odd article that appears in some corner of our newspapers and websites. Compared to the highly celebrated Women's Day, our day falls pale in comparison. This, in my opinion, speaks highly of gender equality agenda of all the activists out there.

Doesn't matter guys. As they say- "Nice Guys finish last." Probably, they do!!

The Test Match!!

2009-11-09T19:06:00.001+05:30

I am a football guy at heart. But an altogether different ball game was lined up the past week- a Test match, with almost as many batsmen as the number of overs possible in the 5 days!!! Being a good batsman with a decent career record so far, I anticipated my turn to bat would come pretty much before the tail for sure. Since the team is loaded with many quality openers, I was not expecting any stint at the pitch. Hence, the one I managed was treated as a practice session, and I just acquainted myself with the conditions. Thus, Day 1 ended with a pretty good start provided by the openers, and it seemed the pitch was really easy to bat on, raising my hopes of getting a big score on board.

Day 2 was when I longed for my moment of glory. I expected myself to be at the forefront of the charge from the middle order, but ended up in the middle of nowhere come the end of the day. I got another stint at the bowling, and was much more focused this time. But in an attempt to get out of trouble quickly, I ended up playing a shot too many, and was sent back to the pavilion. The worst part of it all was the waiting period when one is all padded up for another stint in the middle and the guys out there are just not getting out. It gets frustrating and I was starting to lose my patience at having batted indiscriminately in the morning session. To add to it all, a few of the openers whose runs were not made on the pitch certainly, were all over the pavilion, guiding much more capable batsmen on the technical aspects of the game. Thus, the afternoon session passed off cooling my heels in the pavilion. With the day's game about to end, and the lights fading fast, I was sent in. I still don't know the rationale. Was I sent in as a middle order batsman, or the nightwatchman??? Whatever!!! The result was that I played onto the stumps out of the sheer mental fatigue more than anything else. Thus, the day's game ended on a very high low!?!?

Day 3 was to be my last shot at redemption, as the pitch was becoming a minefield every passing moment. I got another stint in the morning session, and since I had a fair bit of experience facing the kind of attack on display, I was confident of making it this time. I started off calmly, and once I had got the measure of the conditions, scored my runs faster than the others. It seemed the good score was attainable. After lunch, as play resumed, there were a few close calls. A missed runout chance and a close LBW call somehow turned down by the umpires; and by the end of the evening I had finally got the runs required out of me.

It was some relief for sure. I don't think I would have had the strength to come out once again and start from naught another morning. It was an experience unlike any other before, and showed that life is not really a bed of roses as I assume most of it to be. For the next match that comes in around a year and a half, I will have to equip myself technically and hope to land a chance to bat higher up in the order, for the conditions are the friendliest at the beginning only. As for now, I go back to playing some FIFA on my laptop................

The Last Call..........

2009-10-31T01:53:00.001+05:30

It is indeed strange how the best of friends- inseparable, eternal, caring, passionate and many more adjectives; turn into strangers in a matter of days. It is apparent that both realize that something is amiss- the sparks or the chemistry that was so evident is dying a slow death, making them the complete strangers they were initially, all over again. It was certainly not the plan, if any, the two of them had.......

There is no point, in my opinion, in carrying on with this investment of emotions, if the ills plaguing this bond are not brought out in the open. If any of the parties (kindly overlook the crudeness of the word) is just not the normal self anymore, in spite of cajoling, counseling, and pleading, then maybe they are no more into it. When the same fun-to-be-with person is displaying extremes of moods and emotions, and seeking to dictate terms, then maybe it is time the chapter gets closed on a comparatively happier note. Because, there is no point in parting away with the great memories and times associated with that relation when you know that any more attempts at salvaging it all would make you lose those mementos as well.

It is high time you moved on, and howsoever hard it might be, charted your own, independent path. You can, at best hope that this person draws enough courage to let out his inner demons someday. Until then, it won't be too bad an idea to give him one last call, and wish each other Good Luck!!

You know you made the right call (pun unintended) when you quietly go back to sleep after this amicable Goodbye.

Questions from the Battleground

2009-10-07T19:37:00.004+05:30

There are times, certainly not the best
When you long for someone's solace
And still, seek refuge in your closet darkest
Crouched away from the public gaze.

It is really lonely in there
And you have got nothing to hide
You either lamented your stars
Or quietly into the night, cried.

Having lost a battle that had to be won
You have only questions on the battleground
Not-"why, of all of them, you were the chosen one?"
But-"why, your turn came this time round?"

Why, the misery could not be nipped in the bud
Why, the snooze became a snoring slumber
Why, the plan turned out a devastating dud
Why, you were stripped of all your armour.

Answers are the only comforts you now desire
Keep seeking, don't abandon your rummage
Might be there only, engulfed by the nebulous fires
Just get hold of whatever you can salvage.

Sorry!!

2009-09-25T04:07:00.004+05:30

Sorry has always been a tough word

Doesn't come easily up my lips

I would rather buy some more time

And still not do any flips.

I know that I am wrong

And a simple Sorry won't do any harm

The urge to defy gets so strong

I always succumb to its charm.

Have had it all easy until now

Maybe, because you have been kind

High time you were rigid somehow

And brought some sense to my mind.

PS- Went to the other end of Kolkata for a late night dinner, and was amazed at the city still teeming with crowds of all ages thronging the Puja Pandals that dot every other street during those early hours. The same shops and restaurants that shut shutters for 4 hours daily after lunch (apparently to catch up on the afternoon siesta) were business savvy enough to keep shutters up at these hours. It is so much safer than Delhi and for once, Kolkata scored over Delhi in my charts. A huge thanks to Messrs.- Gupta, Chopra and Patney!!

Fooling Around.....

2009-08-29T02:48:00.002+05:30

Mad Cow Disease, Bird Flu, and now the latest of them all- Swine Flu, have got much more media coverage than the cows, birds and the pigs who transmitted them all would have imagined in their wildest dreams. Probably, the secret to our well being lies not in vaccines for ourselves, but ones designed for the health of the animals around us!! I hope the Ranbaxies and the Ciplas of the world are reading at least this post of mine.

It was no surprise when I caught flu a few days ago. It was the normal one, but the folks at home were scared like anything! They were dreading it to be the worst, and it was fun when over a phone conversation, I told my mother.... "Yeh sirf flu hai Ma!!" Pat came her reply "Yeh kaunse type ka flu hai beta??", as she expected me to utter the dreaded S-word. Anyways, the recovery took its own time and the four days of bed rest, alongwith the provision of a Medical Certificate, if need be, were the welcome part of the deal, away from the drab routine of classes.

It is quite an experience lying around in a tiny room for three days with not much to do but either sleep or stare into the ceiling. Sleeping was the easier part of the deal, until the first day and a half. Beyond that, the eyelids were no more the heaviest things in the world they become in the lecture halls. The best option then was to reflect on the stint until now. It was not really taxing doing any of it!

The days in Joka are definitely going the DCE, (err, DTU!) way. I am not complaining here also. Probably, I had expected some sort of invisible rod to keep us all under check, but this is the last thing to expect in a Post Graduate institute. And all the lazybones like me are rejoicing at being in arguably, the best place possible. But somewhere deep within, that little bit of the conscience I have been trying hard to suppress is still awake, and that was the cause of some disturbance.

It is high time that I had some concrete plan of action as far as the word 'career' is concerned. I have been dilly-dallying over it all this while. I was too young during undergrad to zero in on anything, and the confusion persists over here too. Just that I don't have a decent excuse any more for the same. Observing most of the people here, it becomes tougher to keep wandering around aimlessly, waiting eternally for my Eureka moment! But I was soon on the recovery mode and it was all put on the backburner. The one fine decision I took during those days of bed rest was to start hitting the track, in an attempt to do away with the all round development family and friends had observed during the trip home.

Over a week into the new regimen, and I am loving it! Alongwith the favourite timepass demanding the most of my time- Fooling Around.....

A Dog's Life

2009-08-07T13:58:00.004+05:30

Someone is perennially in pursuit
Hoping to write a whole new tale
And you, ignorant, are after another
Shamelessly wagging your floundering tail.

Don't be blinded by the lights
Should have started feeling the pain
Must have by now come to senses
After being spanked time and again.

A crumb here, and another there
Is definitely not what you deserve
Many more miles yet to cover
Go out and reclaim your verve.

Bask in the memories of a happy past
And move on into a better future
Throw away this dog's life
It's time you became your own master.

To Whomsoever It May Concern

2009-07-15T20:06:00.004+05:30

Well!! Here's the good news!! I am finally an engineer now, and if the results of the last two semesters are any indicators, they point towards one undisputed fact! I have come up with my best performances in this fourth year. Probably, a reflection of how hard I worked to improve my grades!! Certainly not!! The credit goes where it is due. To the magnanimous teachers at the college who conspired with all of us to give us our best outings in these exams with the minimal of efforts, or did we put in any!! Probably, both the sets had some greater priorities than attending/taking the classes. A recollection of the events of the last year at college goes on to only strengthen this observation. A total of less than 10 hours of interaction with our teachers (and that includes the interaction for the Final Year Project as well!!) was good enough, in fact, much more beneficial than the hard days gone by in semesters- one to six!

I am the last person to cry hoarse over this symbiotic relationship!! But maybe, there are others who might not really be pleased with the goings on. And then, the society in itself is the biggest loser when we churn out engineers from the supposedly premier institutions in this fashion. I can only imagine what goes on in all those engineering institutions dotting our highways and producing many more capable engineers like yours truly!

Enough of lecturebaazi!! I should now zero in on the agenda for coming up with this post, which is much more grave in nature than these trivial issues. It all pertains to the URL name for my blog- outofdcloset. I was so innocent!! That I named the blog for my own reasons. The reasons can be accessed at http://outofdcloset.blogspot.com/2008/10/welcome-aboard.html Unfortunately, I did not explicitly define the purpose there, and the other, highly popular connotation of the term is what caused me some trouble a couple of days back. Refer to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Closeted It should be self explanatory. (Maybe that's why they still overload my sections with all the guys!)

So, I just wanted to issue a clarification, for the good of the general public, and any readers I still have!! I do not have anything against gays per se. It's just that I am not one!! Hoping it clears any doubts anyone harboured with respect to my affiliations, and Kolkata is no more the City of Boys as far as I am concerned. And by the way, I am not changing the URL!!

That's all for now. Gotta go and study for a Surprise Quiz tomorrow............

A Month Old

2009-07-12T15:58:00.001+05:30

It is exactly a month here now, and by far, the longest I have been away from home. The absence will only stretch from here. The fears expressed by the devils within, concerned with this hiatus from home have thankfully not seen the light of the day. Probably, I have grown up and I can socialise much better, than until the first year at college.

I still remember, how friends, family and teachers alike, branded me as an introvert, and there was a great element of truth in that label! I can recollect the school days vividly. I could count my acquaintances those days on my fingertips. Beyond the classroom, there was hardly anyone else I was on talking terms with. Throw me into a sea of strangers, and I go into a shell!! I tried avoiding eye contact, seeking the earliest oppotunity to excuse myself from the gathering............ and so the instances go on. Thank God!! That there were no Orkuts or Facebooks those days. I would have really struggled getting to double digits on my friend lists!

Anyways, life, or shall i write, the routine has gone quite hectic over here. The 10 hours of sleep granted to me by the magnanimous DCE are a thing of the past. Six is what I have for the average over here, and thankfully I have adjusted without any glitches. It is not that the studies are to blame for this tough life over here. I am still sticking to the same old modus operandi of studying just before the exams, just that I will start a week earlier, and that week is still a week away. Had a Stats quiz of 20 marks the other day and managed a decent 17. But the tragedy in this place is that the 'mode' of the marks is 20!! I still intend to persist with my old ways, because of two reasons-

* The quiz has a weightage of just 4 marks, so I am only trailing by 0.60 marks ;)

* We will make up for the lost marks in the actual exam.

If the results do not follow previous trends, I would have learnt my lessons, and would then start reading all the lessons beforehand. Until then, I will keep devoting sometime to the trivial pursuits of life. Recorded this video before another quiz, and here it is. The highly acclaimed debut work of the Stealberg from Joka. Sit back and enjoy!!

Back to Business

2009-06-27T02:37:00.001+05:30

It's been quite a while since something came up on this page. A lot has transpired over the past few weeks- I am finally a graduate, hopefully (after 4 years of bunking, tepaa's, sleeping, playing, fake projects and many more)!! College has been really wonderful- made friends better than Best Friends, pseudo-dated the only lady in my class in the last week, socialised much more with the fellow Prodees, and the wonderful chapter, thus, ended!

Joka was to be the next destination- home for the upcoming two years!! The first reflection of the city of Kolkota for a hardcore Delhiite is one of surprise, disbelief, maybe shock, and a hundred related emotions. The city is, to me, more old than new, and maybe that's where its charm lies, but somehow, I am yet to come to terms. Seeing the scenes around, some mates even wonder if the city is a Metropolis!! That apart, the monsoons may have been deficit, but it is not so in the state of We(s)t Bengal! The high humidity ensures you are always wet due to sweating, beginning seconds after bathing!

Into the 3rd week in the campus, and the experience has been none short of a roller coaster ride. Aloof seniors, restrictions on accessing the facilities and what not, that constitutes the highly organised ragging setup over here, life was tough, and the odd lump in the throat on the phone call home was natural. A lot can transpire in a matter of minutes, and that is what happened a few hours ago. The bonhomie, the facilities, and practically the fun, are all here to stay!

Feeling much better now and harbouring great expectations of the time here- and hoping the undergraduate way of life is not entirely consigned to the dustbins. By the way, the only dampener in the one week of classes has been the curse I am carrying on since college. My section of 108 guys has been blessed with 2 ladies!! I am not complaining though. I have had 1 in the four years at college. Thinking of getting down to work before others run away with them!!

PS- The campus boasts of some really sharp brains, and I am not surprised. Two of the samples are:

Do we have negative marking?? (A guy asks before the commenecement of what was touted as a psychometric test)

Do we have binary marking?? (Another gentleman tries clearing his doubts with respect to the paper on Indian Economic and Political History)

Bus Stops

2009-05-23T13:02:00.002+05:30

I take shelter in bus stops
Probably, just for the shade
Let go one after the other
I come in for a very long wait.

Buses come and pass, and I sit stuck
For how long, I do not know
I get my thrills from watching it unfold
Eyeballs trained at life on the go.

The family, the oldie and the student
And that conscious young pair
A hundred faces with a thousand emotions
Make up for my breath of fresh air.

They notice the intruder in me soon
A weed in the midst of the crop
The penetrating gaze, the growing murmurs
Compels me to move to the next stop.

I'll come back tomorrow
Seeking fresh faces in this loony wander
Though it's dark now, I still skip buses
A walk home is all I prefer.

Mirrors

2009-05-10T14:49:00.001+05:30

Mirrors do not lie
But often they do mislead
There is never a complete picture
Catering to everyone's needs.

Differences of angles and distances
Creep into the perspectives
A distinct canvas greets each eye
As it peers into with its own objectives.

Our image is the truth
We believe in trusting the eyes
The sounds and smells are redundant
And thus, reason dies.

It is mirrors and their images
That are the root of all conflict
Rather than doing away with
A collage is probably, what we need.

Mirrors do not lie..........

LOOny Days

2009-05-03T17:09:00.005+05:30

It has been a really hot week, going purely by the mercury! Four and a half days in the hostel, lying around naked in that tiny top floor room, like another of those dogs in the street, and waiting for the sun to bid adieu does not make for the kind of the last few days at the hostel I had been hoping for. The feeling of 'disgust' at my idleness hangs around like an unavoidable stench, and that has added to the discomfort over the past few days. The previous summers have been better, in the sense that I had something to study for, with the impending exams. It has been equally tough on both fronts, as far as the loo is concerned. Hot winds blowing throughout the day, and an uncertain water supply ensuring that I am on a fluid diet as much as possible to avoid any pressure situations.

The way out was to escape it all, but the doors to home are locked on the weekdays, thanks to the ongoing exams of a hardworking brother!! So tried to fix up a quick date with an old schoolmate by literally begging her. Success!! She gave her consent kindly. But somehow, I chickened out of it. As expected, I haven't heard from her ever since I conveyed my inability.

As of today, I had high hopes of it being a good day with an Achievers' Meet scheduled for CAT 09 aspirants. Spring in the steps, went in expecting a glamorous crowd. Only 47 people turned up in that small school auditorium!(Counted them all while I was on the stage). I should have remembered. DU exams on these days. So the event was very much dead for me. Uttered my share of lines and listened to fellow achievers! There were a few novelties out there, unexpectedly:

Watch movies on HBO and StarMovies with subtitles to brush up on your vocabulary!
"I am not a complete man!" an Achiever proclaimed, waking up the 40 of the 47 asleep by then. "I can't play football, sing songs and blaaah blaaahhh.......", as he recollected his interview experiences.
"One must be polite, respectful and obedient of the teachers during the GDPI, and be dressed in his best attire", a fellow Achiever chipped in.
Aspirants treat the Achievers to be no less than stars. One of them went around seeking autographs of the guys with IIMA calls. And I hated going to C at that instant!!

To top it all, a cursory look at the Achievers paints a tough two years ahead. One girl among eleven odd guys is not encouraging. I feel like I have already earned my own PGDBM- Post Graduate Diploma in Bachelor Management! Do let me know the Convocation dates. I believe I am the Gold Medallist!

PS- Apologies to IIML. It was me who had been entering the date of birth in the wrong format all these days.

No Man's Land

2009-04-25T10:18:00.000+05:30

Yes! No! Yes! No!- The cycle goes on
In this troubled head of mine
No doubts that I am confused
The burden is hurting my spine.

Did my best to conceal
Not make it too apparent
Got exposed as I tried to hide
This time wasn't any different.

We know that something's amiss
But why? I am not sure
Could be a reason justified
Or an excuse blatantly impure.

I am totally clueless about it all
Headed for glory or for shame
Do I carry on and be a sport
Or call quits to the game.

I know you are waiting
Just want a little more of your time
Can't promise a happy ending
Help me, atleast, delay the crime.

LLLLL.... of a Ride!!

2009-04-18T19:01:00.002+05:30

The last week brought home moments I am going to cherish for a long time to come. But somehow, as I myself and a few friends observed, the enthusiasm was not really there. Tried confronting the bugs troubling me, but for some reason or the other, I found myself seeking ways to avoid them. Staying put at home once the initial euphoria subsided was not on my agenda and the week spent in the hostel was the breath of fresh air I longed for badly.

I was not to be disappointed. Parties on Monday and Wednesday were a great help. The one on Monday, in particular, is special as I finally took the plunge and matched the guys peg for peg of vodka. A good experience!! The jashn went from midnight to 4 in the morning on the hostel terrace as the guys went about reminiscing the seven semesters gone by. Thanks to the hangover, and burning intestines, there was nothing else bothering me the next couple of days. Soon, I had this latest bug to worry about. The Hostel Nite is right there on the radar and the guys were debating over the titles/nicknames they would be bestowed with on the day. There were a wide variety of them- Shahrukh, Baba, Dada, Motu, Ramesh Powar etc..........

What bugged me was that no one could think of a title for me. I struggled by myself for the same and nothing substantial came to mind. The only name doing the rounds was Chaooo (thanks to people confusing me for a Chink) but even that is history now. Nothing else struck my mind and I rued the fact that I, somehow, failed to leave behind an interesting name to relate to the college days.

Home is where I find myself with all of these bugs for another weekend! Today was to be another of those days until the afternoon when the postman dropped in a pleasant surprise! It was an offer letter from IIML, when their website still turns up with

Sorry, Your Name is not in the IIML Selection list.

Seems that everyone has some bug or the other to contend with. And that should keep me going....

Addicted

2009-04-03T13:47:00.000+05:30

They all say that Drugs Kill
But I just don't give it a damn
All I know is you instill
Life in the corpse that I am.

In the darkest hours of my blues
When I am no better than a mope
The last resort is always you
Restoring colour, my evergreen dope.

A dose of you is just the cure
I long for throughout the day
The sun sets, I'm all yours
In the light of the moon, we make hay.

Rainbows in the night sky
Stars during the daytime
You provide unparalleled highs
More than due, for every single dime.

The addict is full of gratitude
Odes to you run into reams
All of this ain't mere platitudes
My Drug! Keep lighting up my dreams.

Inner Voice

2009-03-30T22:37:00.000+05:30

It has been an endless wait at nights
With nothing to show for all these days
As I seek my own guiding light
Armed with that penetrating gaze.

Have had my falls from grace
And tried my hands at resuscitation
Found myself yards off the pace
Was in urgent need of a visitation.

It was one of those last chances
I sought you in temples, in schools
Didn't know how to recognise your presence
Moved around aimlessly like fools.

My eyes were disillusioned with failure
And I shut everything out of sight
It was then that I could hear
That soothing rhythm playing inside.

It was you- sans face, only a voice
Pushing me out of the shadows of doubts
Invigorated, I was left with no choice
Immersed myself in each of those bouts.

Wriggled my way out of the maze
And I'm a free bird again
It's back to the good, old days
Leaving behind windows with broken panes.

But for your songs of motivation
I would have never been so much free
Days are devoid of any deprivation
And I find myself on a winning spree.

Millions of sounds may be there
In this infinitely raucous universe
Yours is the only one I lend an ear
It is to you- I dedicate this verse.

A Case of Glossitis

2009-03-28T13:53:00.005+05:30

Beliefs, or put appropriately, myths-as is the case with most of my beliefs, get shattered in due course of time.

Circa 2002- I had just entered the 10th standard and to complement my then academic standards, strived doubly hard to preserve my good-boy image. No foul-mouthing, particularly, was on top of my agenda. I made friends only with the well behaved kids and did not have any truck with anyone indulging in the slightest of verbal misadventures. To a great extent, I, somehow associated this tongue lashing with the family background. My observations over the years had drawn the conclusion that this illness was prevalent amongst the kids from poorer families- educationally, more than anything else.

Today- The college is the biggest melting pot I have yet encountered in my life. As always, I am the one to lose my bearings than things going the other way round. Observing me amongst my fellows over here, anyone could easily grant me the Honorary Membership of the majority poor lot- going by my definition of 2002.

The origins of this transformation are not hard to trace. The groundwork was laid in the last few months at school itself. But it was at college, carrying no past baggage, that my Glossitis (inflammation of the tongue) got severe. Perhaps it was the charm of things that were bad that did me in. In no time, I reached the the highest levels these depths have on offer. Things have now come to a stage wherein I myself know that I am the last person to be representing my family. But on the other hand, friends, even from outside the college and definitely still cultured enough, take a liking for my double meaning one-liners and encourage me to keep the naughtiness alive. I am in two minds no doubt.

Reflecting, I note that all of my good friends in college are very liberal with their wordplay. Perhaps, the same ought to be the case with my school friends too. But the heavy, virtuous burdens of the days gone by do not really let us be our true selves in each other's presence. 'Who blinks first' is probably the best description for this situation.

There is no doubt that most of us in the college are poorer than we were when we came in. So, my definition stands firm. But it is the criterion I unknowingly junked sometime ago that I formally part ways with now. Seven and a half semesters later, wiser or not, I believe there is much more to a person than just his words- which are nothing but his way of communication. Strong bonds are formed not by words, which can be, at best, equated to the book covers of the ideas they convey. Ideas are the real thing in my opinion now. I do not, in any way, seek to justify foul-mouthing. In fact, I am trying to get back to my old, virtuous self.

It's just that there could have been more worse ills to have plagued me. And I am thankful for that. I am still good enough on most other parameters. I rate my honesty highly, and truth be told, the inspiration for the title of this post came to me from a Doctor friend. I am f***ing honest!! Hoping you get the idea. After all, that's what counts! This is my latest belief.........

Knight to Remember.. Hic!!

2009-03-19T20:05:00.004+05:30

Any other Mid Semesters were also over in a mare three daze. The only regret I harbour is that it got our before I could get my handwriting in good rhythm. I will surely loose sum marks for that! Anyways, I am hardly bothered by any of it. Because I have had two work lesser than in the last semester and the latest results simply imply that better marks come with lesser efforts! And I do not have any issues with that.

Last evening was won I will not forget for sum time. The last internals had been done away with and as always, it called for a celebration. And I knew where to go- to the party people- RJ, Waa's, Choo, DJ, Tony, Aauuu, Yankee and company. It had to be a boos party and abuses were flowing thick and fast in the tiny, little room. It is grate fun watching and partying with guys a little high on the spirits. And I was not to be disappointed. One of us- SS, was already high-flying after a solo session, and was the Knight Star. He was troubled by the fact that his girl never receives his calls at any hour of the day, but calls him a few minutes later for very long chats. He wanted the engineer friends to think over the daal main kaalaa. He had a few more issues but I am in sense enough to not to bring them up over hare.

The drinks were on and I was sipping in my customary glass of coal drink with the snacks. It was time to hit the floor, and the volumes were as high as if the entire hostel was invited. Invited or not, the Guard was at the scene soon, and SS suggested giving a packet of namkeen to shoo him away. He was dealt with easily, and we held the entire hostel to ransom for the knight. Bollywood was the order of the session and the seven odd guys danced their limbs out. The songs were truly eclectic, cosisting of the likes of Aashiq Awara, Oye Oye, Saat samandar paar, Choli ke peeche, Beedi, Dhoom etc. All of us were trying to outdo each other in our dance steps with some improvisations. I banked upon copying from my experience of having watched Govinda and Mamta Kulkarni dance the night before.

And so we danced into the knight, and well beyond it- into the early hours of the mourning in fact. I had the hunch that the guys in that hostel would have had a tough outing in there papers on account of our incessant marry making. No apologies to them though!! They have the End Semesters to make amends, if needed.

The party ended soon, and piece returned to the hostel. I was still on a high and made my way to the Common Room, hoping to catch Sehwag blasting the Kiwis in the Test match. I had to endure Arun Lal's crap for 20 minutes before play started, and in 2 minutes Sehwag was run out! And that was curtains on my night out!

I know that some errors might have creeped in on account of my hanging out with the party people. My hangover is not yet over. Kindly beer with it. Normal service will resume soon. Chairs!!

Confessions

2009-03-14T10:35:00.001+05:30

I was taught not to tell a lie
To always come clean
But I learnt to give it a bye
And preserve remnants of my sheen.

I was taught to give a good fight
And put everything on stake
But I have swallowed my pride
And let my foundations shake.

I was taught to be fearless
And be cowed down by none
But I shiver at the hint of distress
And lose sight of the sun.

I was taught to be always kind
And help anyone in need
But my own business is all I mind
Satiating an infinite greed.

I was taught to make true friends
Who stay by me throughout my life
And all I have is a bubble of pretence
That bursts at the slightest strife.

And so much more have I been taught
But so little of it do I retain
Is it me alone suffering the rot?
The question keeps bugging my brain.

Ladies and not so GentleMan

2009-03-08T17:04:00.002+05:30

It was not just another Sunday today. It was the Women's Day and I was not to be left behind in celebrating the day in whatever manner I could. I figured out that the best way to go about doing so was by wishing as many women, specially the young ones, as possible.

Started off the proceedings by wishing my Mumma first of all. Part of the reason was that I was yet to be served my breakfast, as I had missed it on account of a late wakeup. Then, it were the ladies in my phonebook whom I texted, and the reactions were all varied. Someone loved it, someone hated it, and someone didn't bother to reply....

That was it then, as far as the celebrations are concerned. Anyways, I pondered a little bit on the significance of this day around me, in an apparent bid to exercise the remnants of the little bits of intellect left in my head. I have a few issues which trouble me time and again.

First on the cards, on behalf of the engineering brotherhood, is the skewed sex ratio we have to encounter in our lives ever since we get into college. Four years in college, and one lady to inspire thirty guys is asking for too much!! The results are ominous. We don't have classes anymore, ever since it came to light that the lady is inspiring someone from outside the college. The remedy is, in my humble opinion, a kind of reservation on the basis of gender as well. A revolutionary idea, which, if applicable in my times would have jeopardised my own admission! But I would have been better off that way also, as I had anyways booked a seat in the North Campus!! I know this suggestion will encounter stiff resistance from both sides along the gender divide, but this is a sentiment shared by a vast number who have, for fears of being labelled perverts, and that too, in India, kept mum.

Secondly, the thing that bothers me is why do we need to reserve seats for the ladies in our buses and Metros? All that talk of gender equality falls on its face, in my opinion, when we treat them kindly enough to reserve a few seats for them. Why can't we ensure that only the ones that are in genuine need get them, and the rest slog it out along with the men folk, who are to be found hanging for their dear lives in every other bus. Moreover, being the civilised society we claim ourselves to be, is it necessary to paste stickers on those seats to bring out our civility.

Both of the above might be repulsive to most of the intelligentsia patrolling our intellectual spaces, and the tolerance to even read this would be at an all time low given the significance of the day. If not today, then I have another day to air my grievances. That's 19th of November- International Men's Day.... I can wait till then.

Fruits of Boredom- For You....

2009-03-02T17:48:00.000+05:30

I believed I could stick it out alone
And accomplish the journey
The crucial fact totally unknown
It's much better when in company.

Like a ship lost in the seas
Seeking a harbour to drop anchor
Homesick emotions had laid a siege
On a resolve beginning to waver.

Not mentioned in any scriptures
I am indeed a blessed soul
Coz then you entered the picture
And filled up my empty whole.

I bumped into you
In what was a quirk of fate
In no time, your magic seeped through
And I let go of the floodgates.

My joy knew no bounds
As the clouds beat a hasty retreat
There was light all around
You're my sunshine- every corner, every street.

Come, heal me someday
Cure me of my ills
I'll do it as you say
And pop in as many pills.

Can't afford to lose you midway
It would be too hard to bear
My course would again go astray
And emotions beyond repair.

I know you cherish me
Just as much as I do
You are very much a part of me
Hoping the message gets through.

The Redemption

2009-03-02T16:37:00.006+05:30

He was born an athlete
Meant to win every race
Always the crowd's favourite
Subject of unending praise.

Kept on winning one after another
Over time he earned his stripes
People loved him for his victories
And fans grew by tribes.

It was too heady a concoction
For him to get over
The track- now an abstraction
He was an athlete no more sober

Regular losses set the bells ringing
And he gave them a royal ignore
Trusted his limbs to the talking
What a fool!! They had gone sore.

He was now an also-ran
Others had sprinted far ahead
Could not find a single fan
To lend a shoulder to a drooping head.

Those days were really dark
Had no options, but to fend on his own
Life had moved a full arc
It was time he did it alone.

Set his sights on the marathon
The best athletes were there
Told himself- This is the one
That tells the tortoises from the hare.

In great shape, better than ever before
Set a new record, and easily he won
A win unlike any other of yore
The athlete sealed his place under the sun.

Too Sleepy to Dream?

2009-02-21T21:08:00.001+05:30

"You know life is going good when you cannot fall asleep, because reality is finally better than your dreams."

Received the above text a few days ago from a friend. I read it, took a deep breath and went off to snore my way into dreams, all over again! I have been struggling for the past six weeks to maintain my regimen of a minimum eight hours of sleep, owing to the training. But now that it is finally over, I can get back to pampering myself. How many dreams I watch is open to speculation......

I don't watch dreams every now and then, or even remember one if I watch it. Probably, my brain is too lazy to devote a few cells to this effortless task! I can only imagine, given my state of affairs, were Freud to be in my shoes, he would have had lots of sleeping to do to come out with his works. Anyways, I do remember the one dream I watched a couple of nights ago.

It was a perfect setting. I was the king of some heavenly kingdom, sipping in my jaam of wine, enjoying the performanc of the dancing troupe in my court. And then came the moment- my princess arrived. It was a wonderful setting. Walking hands in hands, alone in the verdant gardens, I requested her to sing a melodious love song for me. Something like- Baahon mein chale aaaa.... by Lata Mangeshkar. And she obliged. The rhythm was there, but the vocals. They were poles apart from the original- more like the sensuous Ila ringa ringa Arun; which was enough to scare the devil out of me, and bring me to my senses.

********************************************************

An interesting conversation I overheard in the lift in the office this Friday dealt with another king- of vegetables!! Brinjal...... The guys in the elevator were told by their colleague that it is always better to cook a rotten brinjal. Because worms attack the natural thing and the pesticide laden ones are the only ones free of worms. 'So, go natural' - was his advice.

Now, I have a couple of doubts/queries....

Was he really right?? And, the more important question- Why don't we (or I) hear ourselves snoring while asleep?

Clubbing on Valentine's Day

2009-02-12T17:07:00.002+05:30

"What does your father do?", the by-now infuriated Training Coordinator (TC) asked as I disclosed that I had been attending the training all these days for only the first half.

"Sir, he does not work in this organization"- I don't know which neuron snapped in some discrete corner of my brain as I came out with this gem. It only added some more fuel to the fires already raging hard deep inside the TC. Consequently, I have to now submit a brief report of my learning (operating the vending machine, choosing the right time to escape etc. maybe) next week, which was never there in the Training Agreement I had signed a month back.

It never pays to act honest when, at best, one is a little less dishonest than others. This is the only lesson I learnt out of the above incident, to be honest!! Nonetheless, I am carrying on with the half day regimen unapologetically.

Today was no different from any other weekday. Just that, thanks to my kind friends, I got to know that Valentine's Day does not come alone. There are a few more days prior to it- Rose Day, Kiss Day, Promise Day and what not!! I am least bothered. Because, amid all the hype I just realised that my membership of the Lonely Hearts Club has been has been extended by, no one knows how many years! My Organiser doesn't yet have any entries for this Saturday. Reading the writing on the wall, I have started planning my engagements for Monday. To a certain extent, I am to blame myself for this state of affairs.

I can vividly recollect the only time I had sent Valentine's Day cards. On the upside, I started young- at 10 years. Unfortunately, they were addressed to my school teachers at the instigation of my mother who made me see love in the larger perspective. She has even advised me against venturing out this Saturday, lest I get caught in the crossfire between the Sri Ram Sene and the Pink Chaddhi Gang.

The matters are further aggravated by the presence of a younger brother who plies his trade, other than studies in the North Campus. A devotee of Lord Hanuman- he gave up the membership of my club a long time ago. I can only envy him and mutter- Waah, Bajrang balee!! Waah!!, in exasparation.

Anyways, I will be clubbing in all likelihood this year. I can't miss out on the opportunity, to vent out my frustrations, this latest offer has brought. I have an offer from the Bajrang Dal- they will provide us with clubs to go clubbing at all the Romeos, Majnus and Ranjhas who, with their PDAs get under the skin of LHC members like me. So beware! I will be out clubbing this Valentine's Day. Can you face the music??

Fight Another Day

2009-02-04T16:57:00.000+05:30

It is no more stimulating
Not even front page news
In fact, a little irritating
A conflict running out of issues.

I won't give an inch
You won't put a step back
The fight goes on; it's a cinch
Till eternity; until one cracks.

No end in sight to the offence
Surely, it's not the way out
But for the walls of silence
Compounding this unruly bout.

A ceasefire is all I badly need
Other pressing matters at hand
Hoping feverishly that you proceed
Would clutch onto this last strand.

Anyways,
Highly unlikely all of it seems
Some roadblocks are there to stay
Not the stuff to light anyone's dreams
The fight lives on another day.

Bad Luck by Chance

2009-01-29T21:33:00.002+05:30

It's not his fault
That he asked for it all
Wanted so much from destiny's vault
Gifts too big for pockets that small.

Didn't get anything in its entirety
They were all in fractions
Akin to attending a booze party
Harbouring teetotaller affiliations.

That day was to be no exception
Lady Luck would just not smile
Woke up with newer aspirations
Never mind the older ones- all missed by miles.

Let into the class in spite of being late
A welcome change he wanted to celebrate
The pen prick on the bum punctured all the luck
Was kicked out of the class as he cried "Fu#k".

All that time he had to kill
So he called up the girlfriend
The idea was right- wanted to chill
Alas!! Poor chap had no money to spend.

A garden was then the best choice
But a few cricket teams were already there
Hordes of boys made a strange noise
Whenever they sighted the young pair.

The evening would bring relief
He consoled his soul
Played football with great belief
Lost!! He scored an own goal.

That sinking feeling again
Time for the return home
Another day, and only pain
Felt like resting in his tomb.

It was not yet curtains
Some action was still to unfold
The bus journey brought its own pains
Bodies piling on; young and old.

Felt his hand brush against a bum
And that triggered off the alarm
Fearing an onslaught, he went numb
Suffered irreparable harm.

That was the end to the day
A slap here, a punch there
A journey he was kicked out of halfway
It could not get any more unfair.

The walk back was unbearably long
Had time to reflect on his despair
Why it all went so wrong
No answers; he could only pull his hair.

I'm Loving It!!

2009-01-21T16:31:00.007+05:30

Bugga Jee is a great employee. He is punctual. He has a great family-two good sons, and a satisfied wife (in the opinion of his boss!!). All these years of hardwork has come with its own rewards. He has the respect of all his colleagues, juniors and seniors (maybe because they came into the organization alongwith him!) alike. In my opinion, there is hardly anything else he can ask for.

Into the second week of my training in this organization (will divulge the name once I get my Training Certificate from here), I have only respect for the thousands of Bugga Jees who throng its massive portals every morning in droves. There are quite a few college products here too, and rightfully so. I have been attached with the Planning department and have the pleasure of a chair next to Bugga Jee! He makes great use of the Sarkari telephone every now and then. It is through many of his conversations only that I came to know that he is busy constructing a home for himself in AGCR, and his contractor Mullah Jee is creating some trouble over the delivery of the sariya. Anyways, much of the work (not at the office, but at his home) is over and today morning, he was pondering over the layout of his toilet. He was in a quandary over the positions of the commode and the tub! Maybe, he could dig a crater big enough to accommodate both items, in my opinion! Thankfully, he consulted everyone but me.

The day before, I had a chance to look into his drawer as he opened it. There was an old photograph in there. It was a young Bugga Jee in his jet black beard posing, pondering over a file onhis chair and table, which were in all probability, in the same corner he sits in now. He has had stability written through his professional life- I thought to myself.

This is why I am loving every bit of the hospitality being offered these few weeks. All I have to do is come early in the morning and wish them all A Very Good Morning Sir followed by the customary shake of the hands. Then I sit for a few minutes on my chair, turn over a few pages, and then slip away to the vending machine for my cup of soup. Somehow, I wait till noon, and the moment my supervisor leaves his chair, I pack my belongings and make a dash for the exit. I am not sure if I am going to learn any other lessons, but the most important one I have already is- Sarkaari mulaazims are among the happiest professionals in the country. And.... I am loving it!